The 100th

I noticed this is my 100th post on here. I wish I could celebrate, but I don't have it in me. Jenn is still on this side of forever, but it's hard to know for how long, or if the miracle will come. I tried to exist normally today, and for anyone not looking too hard, I did. But I hurt. I hurt really bad. And I don't want to talk about it, or acknowledge it, or anything, because that will make it real. And the more real it is, the more I feel that I have already given up on her, and I can't do that. I have to hope against hope, because she would do the same. I don't know what will happen. But right now, the middle ground? It sucks.