Monday, December 15, 2008
Snow
It snowed last night and today! I love the snow, but hope it doesn't interfere with our travel on Thursday. Right now they are calling for more snow and freezing rain on Wednesday night and Thursday, so things don't look so good! But I'll enjoy it while it's just pretty and not messing up my plans!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Hiya!
I know I have not posted about my health in awhile, so I'll be doing that, after I make a few random musings!
First, as to my last entry, Carleton University did reinstate the CF Fundraiser. This, however, was not the biggest issue in my mind. It was the terrible spirit in which it was removed, the lack of research that went into it, and the lack of foresight by the students of the board to not realize how badly the motion would reflect upon them. The writer of the petition has since resigned, but it took nearly a week before any real apology was issued by any of the principle people involved. That to me is disgusting. But I digress...
On the non-health front, life it pretty darn good. My roommate Richard moved out, leaving just Matt my husband, myself, and our roommate Tyrone. A change, both good and bad. Thanksgiving was at my house, celebrated by Matt, Tyrone, my parents, my Grandma Vickie, and my Great Aunt Flora and her daughter Susan. Food came out very well, and then I spent 14 hours sleeping off my hard labor :) This Christmas will find Matt and I, along with my parents and sister in South Carolina at Matt's family. It will be the first time that they've really met, as only Matt's mother and aunt were able to make it to our Reno wedding. I am so excited for this trip, as the days tick ever closer. I love Matt's family so much and I'm so happy to see them and have one big meeting of people that I hold near and dear to my heart.
On the health front...
The last several weeks have been tough. I've not been well, but I've not been sick. It started with a severe cold a few weeks ago, that settled in my chest. I was never sick enough to say "I'm sick and I need antibiotics", but I was also never well enough to really feel good. With our upcoming trip, I decided that if I was not in top form, I'd get really sick, so I went on oral antibiotics and prednisone last week. I feel a lot better... better than I've felt in a few weeks :) Pray that my body can handle the long trip and the stress that undoubtedly comes from being away from the home environment.
First, as to my last entry, Carleton University did reinstate the CF Fundraiser. This, however, was not the biggest issue in my mind. It was the terrible spirit in which it was removed, the lack of research that went into it, and the lack of foresight by the students of the board to not realize how badly the motion would reflect upon them. The writer of the petition has since resigned, but it took nearly a week before any real apology was issued by any of the principle people involved. That to me is disgusting. But I digress...
On the non-health front, life it pretty darn good. My roommate Richard moved out, leaving just Matt my husband, myself, and our roommate Tyrone. A change, both good and bad. Thanksgiving was at my house, celebrated by Matt, Tyrone, my parents, my Grandma Vickie, and my Great Aunt Flora and her daughter Susan. Food came out very well, and then I spent 14 hours sleeping off my hard labor :) This Christmas will find Matt and I, along with my parents and sister in South Carolina at Matt's family. It will be the first time that they've really met, as only Matt's mother and aunt were able to make it to our Reno wedding. I am so excited for this trip, as the days tick ever closer. I love Matt's family so much and I'm so happy to see them and have one big meeting of people that I hold near and dear to my heart.
On the health front...
The last several weeks have been tough. I've not been well, but I've not been sick. It started with a severe cold a few weeks ago, that settled in my chest. I was never sick enough to say "I'm sick and I need antibiotics", but I was also never well enough to really feel good. With our upcoming trip, I decided that if I was not in top form, I'd get really sick, so I went on oral antibiotics and prednisone last week. I feel a lot better... better than I've felt in a few weeks :) Pray that my body can handle the long trip and the stress that undoubtedly comes from being away from the home environment.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Major CF Misinformation
Hey all,
I came across This Article from Carleton University in Canada. Apparently, they dropped fundraising for CF because, "It primarily affects men and exclusively white people". The inaccuracies of this statement are so amazing, that I am flabbergasted it would come from anyone, let alone those going to University. I wrote a letter to the student newspaper, and I encourage all of you to do the same. Below is a copy of my letter.
To The Student Board of Carleton University,
I am writing about your recent decision to drop fundraising efforts for the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. The facts used to make this decision are so off base, the action taken is deplorable. The presentation summary alone was full of misinformation and a such a lack of factual basis, it is shocking to me that it comes from a University organization. "And Whereas Cystic fibrosis has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men." Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited condition that affects men and women equally. The cystic fibrosis gene is carried on the 7th chromosome. It takes two bad copies of the gene to cause CF. Anyone with a basic understanding of biology would know that this has nothing to do with sex. How the writer of this proposition got this idea is beyond me.
It is true that CF primarily affects those of Western European descent, but this is not always the case. I could point you at the Stenzel Twins, who are 50% Japanese. I could point you at Milan, an African American girl living with CF. You could even visit the American branch of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and find the entire site translated into Spanish to address the ever growing population of Hispanics with Cystic Fibrosis. Straight from http://www.cff.org the website for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation it states, "The disease is most common in Caucasians, but it can affect all races.". To further provide researched statistical data, I have provided a breakdown of races and their chances of having the CF gene.
Chances of Being a Carrier
European Caucasian, Ashkenazi Jewish 1 in 29
Hispanic American 1 in 46
African American 1 in 65
Asian American 1 in 90
Changing a fundraiser to a different charity is something that unfortunately happens from time to time. However, doing so based on information that is so far from factual is absurd. It would almost be funny if it were not so hurtful to so many, from those that have Cystic Fibrosis, to those that care about someone to CF, to people who value making decisions based on fact.
You may be curious as to why a person from Oregon, who has never heard of Carleton University is writing. You may have guessed that I have Cystic Fibrosis, and you would be right. This letter is not out of anger that you decided to drop funding for life lengthening and someday life saving research, but the lack of facts used to make this decision. Being University students, you would think that you would value finding correct information. If any of you were to write a paper using the facts presented about CF, you would be failed in a heartbeat. Voting with such fanciful information is completely deplorable, and if I were at your university, I'd be asking for the removal of board members who believed it was okay to vote without any factual basis.
Lastly, CF research does not just impact CF patients alone. Because we are such a large group for a genetic illness, cutting edge genetic research is often started in the CF population. Research that could one day also cure Parkinson's, Multiple Sclerosis, and a number of other devastating genetic illnesses. The world is a community. Saying that one group is unimportant because they are not large, is a very shortsighted and dangerous point of view.
Talana Fairfax
Eugene, OR
I came across This Article from Carleton University in Canada. Apparently, they dropped fundraising for CF because, "It primarily affects men and exclusively white people". The inaccuracies of this statement are so amazing, that I am flabbergasted it would come from anyone, let alone those going to University. I wrote a letter to the student newspaper, and I encourage all of you to do the same. Below is a copy of my letter.
To The Student Board of Carleton University,
I am writing about your recent decision to drop fundraising efforts for the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. The facts used to make this decision are so off base, the action taken is deplorable. The presentation summary alone was full of misinformation and a such a lack of factual basis, it is shocking to me that it comes from a University organization. "And Whereas Cystic fibrosis has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men." Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited condition that affects men and women equally. The cystic fibrosis gene is carried on the 7th chromosome. It takes two bad copies of the gene to cause CF. Anyone with a basic understanding of biology would know that this has nothing to do with sex. How the writer of this proposition got this idea is beyond me.
It is true that CF primarily affects those of Western European descent, but this is not always the case. I could point you at the Stenzel Twins, who are 50% Japanese. I could point you at Milan, an African American girl living with CF. You could even visit the American branch of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and find the entire site translated into Spanish to address the ever growing population of Hispanics with Cystic Fibrosis. Straight from http://www.cff.org the website for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation it states, "The disease is most common in Caucasians, but it can affect all races.". To further provide researched statistical data, I have provided a breakdown of races and their chances of having the CF gene.
Chances of Being a Carrier
European Caucasian, Ashkenazi Jewish 1 in 29
Hispanic American 1 in 46
African American 1 in 65
Asian American 1 in 90
Changing a fundraiser to a different charity is something that unfortunately happens from time to time. However, doing so based on information that is so far from factual is absurd. It would almost be funny if it were not so hurtful to so many, from those that have Cystic Fibrosis, to those that care about someone to CF, to people who value making decisions based on fact.
You may be curious as to why a person from Oregon, who has never heard of Carleton University is writing. You may have guessed that I have Cystic Fibrosis, and you would be right. This letter is not out of anger that you decided to drop funding for life lengthening and someday life saving research, but the lack of facts used to make this decision. Being University students, you would think that you would value finding correct information. If any of you were to write a paper using the facts presented about CF, you would be failed in a heartbeat. Voting with such fanciful information is completely deplorable, and if I were at your university, I'd be asking for the removal of board members who believed it was okay to vote without any factual basis.
Lastly, CF research does not just impact CF patients alone. Because we are such a large group for a genetic illness, cutting edge genetic research is often started in the CF population. Research that could one day also cure Parkinson's, Multiple Sclerosis, and a number of other devastating genetic illnesses. The world is a community. Saying that one group is unimportant because they are not large, is a very shortsighted and dangerous point of view.
Talana Fairfax
Eugene, OR
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Am I American Now..........
I've stayed away from politics here. I prefer to have a lot of give and take when I talk politics, and it couldn't possibly be good for me to just go off on my own. If you feel you need to leave my blog because of this... than that is your choice, although I question the wisdom of only reading material that agrees. I spend hours each week reading material that agrees with my views, and does not. Small shifts happen in my viewpoints because of this, and I am able to feel stronger in my convictions. This most likely will be the only time I touch on this subject.
That said, I'm ecstatic. In President-elect Obama I see a quality that I've not seen in politics that has overlapped with my life... but I see the potential in him that I see when I look at FDR, Lincoln, or JFK.
That said... I'm disgusted by things that people are saying about our President-Elect now that it is over. First off, many off them are filled with a vitriolic tone that should never come out of the mouth of someone that claims they are Christian... sadly most do. A Christian should accept what has happened, because as they always say "all in God's plan". What if this is God's plan... no one is able to say. It is this hatred, the spewing of biblical passages to slander, that helps turn people away from faith. I believe in God. But when I hear the bible used to hate, to slam, to judge anyone that disagrees with a select group of "Christians"... I wonder how many people they turned away, if I am disgusted. I pray for these people, that use their faith to wage harsh judgments. Who walk around with a sense of superiority. Jesus preached to the least among us. He did not judge... and as a Christian I am led to not judge others. So instead, I quietly pray for these people. That they will look at themselves and see if they are helping people find light, or find another reason to turn away.
There has been another question ringing in my ears since Tuesday night. The last 8 years have been filled with the slander "unpatriotic" the second anyone dared to question a Bush policy. "Your either with me or against me". If I was not happy about something happening in this country, my love of it was automatically questioned. Strange, when the foundations of this country were built by those seeking asylum from countries that ruled with such policies. However, many that threw these labels, are now the ones saying they will never be able to work with Obama. That no matter what, they will not be happy. I've read probably 100 blogs, ranging the spectrum from left to right, red to blue, in the last few days... and I never saw the question of patriotism of those that "refuse to work with Obama" questioned (I'm sure they exist, but out of my sample, I was unable to find one). The Mary Sunshine in me would love to believe that as a country we have moved past using such a misleading term, but I know that probably is not true. Because those that fervently pointed their fingers with their lips wrapped around the word "unpatriotic" are now wrapping their mouths around words of hate and discord. But, I would never call them unpatriotic. Just as it was my right, dare say, my responsibility to evaluate and question my leaders of the last 8 years, it is now their turn. But I hope that they are able to set aside their preconceived notions, and evaluate Obama by his on the job performance and not from their fear. I speak from a land of experience here. I was terrified when Bush was elected... but the most dire, most frightening predictions, never came true. Remember that when you read predictions. Did I agree with very little that the administration did in the last 8 years... yes. But I also tried to judge each step along the way. As the 8 years progressed, I did not lose a love for America, but I did not like our direction. It is possible to have both.
And a quick note to what I read in several blogs today. That they would not vote for a candidate who was not anti-abortion, and that is why they would never vote for Obama. That is fine, as that is their choice, but McCain also does not support the abolition of abortion. Yet, I only saw Obama's name mentioned. I wonder if they did enough research to know, or played ignorance. If you are going to be "pro-life" then by logical reasoning, you should support all diplomatic options before engaging in war that is very anti-life. You should support the health of your fellow citizen, as so many die in this country because of everything from lack of access to health care, improper diet, often spurred on by economic conditions, to countless others that choose between heat, food, or medicine. I don't know if full government funded health care is the answer, but we obviously have one that does not work. We are only as strong as our weakest links... and when a person can be denied insurance for a pre-existing condition, a disabled person has to wait 2 years before they get any insurance help from the federal government, and children who go years without seeing a doctor because a family cannot afford it with or without insurance... we have a lot of weak links.
And to those who wonder how people who voted for Obama could be so blind... I wondered the same about Bush. I gave him a chance, now it is your turn to do the same. It's all I ask of you... but if you don't... you are no less American.
That said, I'm ecstatic. In President-elect Obama I see a quality that I've not seen in politics that has overlapped with my life... but I see the potential in him that I see when I look at FDR, Lincoln, or JFK.
That said... I'm disgusted by things that people are saying about our President-Elect now that it is over. First off, many off them are filled with a vitriolic tone that should never come out of the mouth of someone that claims they are Christian... sadly most do. A Christian should accept what has happened, because as they always say "all in God's plan". What if this is God's plan... no one is able to say. It is this hatred, the spewing of biblical passages to slander, that helps turn people away from faith. I believe in God. But when I hear the bible used to hate, to slam, to judge anyone that disagrees with a select group of "Christians"... I wonder how many people they turned away, if I am disgusted. I pray for these people, that use their faith to wage harsh judgments. Who walk around with a sense of superiority. Jesus preached to the least among us. He did not judge... and as a Christian I am led to not judge others. So instead, I quietly pray for these people. That they will look at themselves and see if they are helping people find light, or find another reason to turn away.
There has been another question ringing in my ears since Tuesday night. The last 8 years have been filled with the slander "unpatriotic" the second anyone dared to question a Bush policy. "Your either with me or against me". If I was not happy about something happening in this country, my love of it was automatically questioned. Strange, when the foundations of this country were built by those seeking asylum from countries that ruled with such policies. However, many that threw these labels, are now the ones saying they will never be able to work with Obama. That no matter what, they will not be happy. I've read probably 100 blogs, ranging the spectrum from left to right, red to blue, in the last few days... and I never saw the question of patriotism of those that "refuse to work with Obama" questioned (I'm sure they exist, but out of my sample, I was unable to find one). The Mary Sunshine in me would love to believe that as a country we have moved past using such a misleading term, but I know that probably is not true. Because those that fervently pointed their fingers with their lips wrapped around the word "unpatriotic" are now wrapping their mouths around words of hate and discord. But, I would never call them unpatriotic. Just as it was my right, dare say, my responsibility to evaluate and question my leaders of the last 8 years, it is now their turn. But I hope that they are able to set aside their preconceived notions, and evaluate Obama by his on the job performance and not from their fear. I speak from a land of experience here. I was terrified when Bush was elected... but the most dire, most frightening predictions, never came true. Remember that when you read predictions. Did I agree with very little that the administration did in the last 8 years... yes. But I also tried to judge each step along the way. As the 8 years progressed, I did not lose a love for America, but I did not like our direction. It is possible to have both.
And a quick note to what I read in several blogs today. That they would not vote for a candidate who was not anti-abortion, and that is why they would never vote for Obama. That is fine, as that is their choice, but McCain also does not support the abolition of abortion. Yet, I only saw Obama's name mentioned. I wonder if they did enough research to know, or played ignorance. If you are going to be "pro-life" then by logical reasoning, you should support all diplomatic options before engaging in war that is very anti-life. You should support the health of your fellow citizen, as so many die in this country because of everything from lack of access to health care, improper diet, often spurred on by economic conditions, to countless others that choose between heat, food, or medicine. I don't know if full government funded health care is the answer, but we obviously have one that does not work. We are only as strong as our weakest links... and when a person can be denied insurance for a pre-existing condition, a disabled person has to wait 2 years before they get any insurance help from the federal government, and children who go years without seeing a doctor because a family cannot afford it with or without insurance... we have a lot of weak links.
And to those who wonder how people who voted for Obama could be so blind... I wondered the same about Bush. I gave him a chance, now it is your turn to do the same. It's all I ask of you... but if you don't... you are no less American.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
More Yucks
So I definitely think that I had a stone. I'm feeling a lot better now, and all is back to normal in my back. However, right when the back pain started to die down, I have found myself battling a nasty sinus cold that has crept into my chest. Clinic is a week away, and I'm honestly scared to go. My breathing is shallow and painful... and I really do not want to do a lung function test (PFT). I may be back in a week, but I don't bounce back very easily or quickly anymore...
We'll see....
We'll see....
Monday, October 20, 2008
No Fun...
I have not updated in awhile. I am working at getting better about it... after all I have 16 people subscribed to my updates through google reader which shocked and amazed me!
I need you prayers tonight. I am having a lot of pain that feels very much like a kidney stone. I went to the after hours clinic tonight, and despite one test showing blood in my urine, a second test on the same pee did not show it, so the doctor decided I was fine. Really, it was a terrible experience, and I'll probably go to my real general doctor tomorrow. I hurt so bad, and it sucks that I was completely dismissed... like he didn't even bother to care that I have a history of stones, CF, and can barely walk or think straight from the pain.
I need you prayers tonight. I am having a lot of pain that feels very much like a kidney stone. I went to the after hours clinic tonight, and despite one test showing blood in my urine, a second test on the same pee did not show it, so the doctor decided I was fine. Really, it was a terrible experience, and I'll probably go to my real general doctor tomorrow. I hurt so bad, and it sucks that I was completely dismissed... like he didn't even bother to care that I have a history of stones, CF, and can barely walk or think straight from the pain.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Not good...
So my culture that was "clear" for MRSA finally grew it. To say I'm upset would be an understatement. I just want to go and hide in bed and just forget about the world. 2 more weeks of home IV's now. I was really excited about getting off on Monday... now no more. I was excited that maybe all my prayers to kick MRSA had been answered... and now I just don't even know. I still have faith, but I also don't even know if I should bother to hope that this inscesant bug can go away. I'm just so over it...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
A Million Prayers Answered
So Friday morning, I was going about my buisness, feeling better, wondering if I would be able to get out on Monday. As early mornings are known for in the hospital, people were bustling in and out of my room... why hospitals think simulating Grand Central Station at 7 am is good for anyone's health is beyond me. Anyway, my nurse casually mentions that they are discontinuing my Vancomycin, one of the most powerful IV antibiotics, and one of the very few that have any efficacy against MRSA. MRSA... the big bad boogeyman bug that had the media all in a tissy in the last year has colonized in my lungs for the last few years. While it did not cause a great change in my health, it was a complication that was unwanted all the same. Once MRSA colonizes, it is very difficult to get rid of. So when it was mentioned they were pulling my vanco, my mind started reeling... could it be possible? Could MRSA not have shown up in my cultures? I eagerly awaited the med team arrival that morning. Sure enough, my cultures came back, MRSA free... and I gave an amazing sputum sample. While I am not saying that it is gone until I have a few more cultures under my belt... I feel like great prayers have been answered. I never prayed for my CF to be gone, as I would never feel okay if I was the only one cured, taking this one small burden from me was something that I hoped for in my darkest times.
With the news of my MRSA being gone, and my general energy level increasing by the hour, my cough no longer roaring, and mucus no longer coming up with every hack of my warn lungs, they released me today to continue my IV's at home. My shortest stay ever... one where I did not have the constant worry of my weight, where I did not struggle to heal. I know not every visit will be like this, but a bright spot is something to illuminate so many other times.
Tonight, when I got home, I immediatly looked to connect with my husband, roomies, and kitties. I was told that my Hazard had not been seen since Friday morning, not unheard of him to be gone so long, but not normal either. I called him a few times, then decided to wait until night when he normally comes home. On our way out to dinner, only a quarter mile from the house, I saw a sickening site. The body of a pure black cat was laying on the side of the road. My heart rate quickened, but I did not feel an instant pit in my stomach... hope despite the evidence. Matt and I pulled over to take a closer look. The cat was in bad condition, you could tell they were gone instantly. I looked for Hazard's distinctive qualities... and found some on this cat. Long black hair and no color patches... but I also did not see his long hair sticking out between the pads of the paws and the ears did not seem to be the same as my baby's. Matt and I could not definitively tell if it was Hazard, but I let the cat know whomever he was he was a good kitty. I was sad, but okay if it was my Hazard. I knew that my boy could still be alive, but wouldn't believe it until I saw him. After dinner we came home, and I called him again... no answer. Thirty minutes later, Tyrone opened the door to talk to his cat, and my big black fuzzy boy came bounding into the house. He meowed when he saw me and immediately nuzzled his mom, who'd he missed for the last few days. I hugged him tight, and he couldn't understand why we were all fussing over him, but tonight I am so happy to have my boy back.
So tonight... my prayers are full of thanks... and I thank all of you for the ones you have sent my ways!
With the news of my MRSA being gone, and my general energy level increasing by the hour, my cough no longer roaring, and mucus no longer coming up with every hack of my warn lungs, they released me today to continue my IV's at home. My shortest stay ever... one where I did not have the constant worry of my weight, where I did not struggle to heal. I know not every visit will be like this, but a bright spot is something to illuminate so many other times.
Tonight, when I got home, I immediatly looked to connect with my husband, roomies, and kitties. I was told that my Hazard had not been seen since Friday morning, not unheard of him to be gone so long, but not normal either. I called him a few times, then decided to wait until night when he normally comes home. On our way out to dinner, only a quarter mile from the house, I saw a sickening site. The body of a pure black cat was laying on the side of the road. My heart rate quickened, but I did not feel an instant pit in my stomach... hope despite the evidence. Matt and I pulled over to take a closer look. The cat was in bad condition, you could tell they were gone instantly. I looked for Hazard's distinctive qualities... and found some on this cat. Long black hair and no color patches... but I also did not see his long hair sticking out between the pads of the paws and the ears did not seem to be the same as my baby's. Matt and I could not definitively tell if it was Hazard, but I let the cat know whomever he was he was a good kitty. I was sad, but okay if it was my Hazard. I knew that my boy could still be alive, but wouldn't believe it until I saw him. After dinner we came home, and I called him again... no answer. Thirty minutes later, Tyrone opened the door to talk to his cat, and my big black fuzzy boy came bounding into the house. He meowed when he saw me and immediately nuzzled his mom, who'd he missed for the last few days. I hugged him tight, and he couldn't understand why we were all fussing over him, but tonight I am so happy to have my boy back.
So tonight... my prayers are full of thanks... and I thank all of you for the ones you have sent my ways!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tune Up Time
Hey all!
So I'm writing this from the lovely confines of OHSU hospital... as is normal with CF, it was time for me to get a "tune-up". Some CFers rarely need them, while others need IV clean up several times a year. My body seems to need it about every year, and it's that time of year for me. I started feeling worse about a month ago and was put on oral antibiotics. They helped, but I declined rapidly after our return from Seattle (another forthcoming post). At my clinic appointment on Tuesday, I knew it was probably time, packed my bags, and my doctor and I decided it was time. Amazingly enough, despite how bad I feel and how bad my cough sounds compared to my normal, my lung function tests were not down. Usually an infection of this magnitude would make them terrible, and I would have a hard time gaining back what I lost. This time, by catching it before I decrease, I hope that I may even have improved function after. On another positive note, I have also gained a small amount of weight... unsual when I have been dealing with a persistant infection...
So even though I find myself in the hospital, I find myself incredibly blessed!
So I'm writing this from the lovely confines of OHSU hospital... as is normal with CF, it was time for me to get a "tune-up". Some CFers rarely need them, while others need IV clean up several times a year. My body seems to need it about every year, and it's that time of year for me. I started feeling worse about a month ago and was put on oral antibiotics. They helped, but I declined rapidly after our return from Seattle (another forthcoming post). At my clinic appointment on Tuesday, I knew it was probably time, packed my bags, and my doctor and I decided it was time. Amazingly enough, despite how bad I feel and how bad my cough sounds compared to my normal, my lung function tests were not down. Usually an infection of this magnitude would make them terrible, and I would have a hard time gaining back what I lost. This time, by catching it before I decrease, I hope that I may even have improved function after. On another positive note, I have also gained a small amount of weight... unsual when I have been dealing with a persistant infection...
So even though I find myself in the hospital, I find myself incredibly blessed!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Update a Long Time Coming
I know I haven't posted forever. Honnestly, I don't have a good reason at all. I haven't been in a depressive hole that keeps me from updating. I've been busy, but not every single day. Life has just settled into a comfortable pattern, and for some reason writing just seems nearly impossible.
I had a good birthday... that was over a month ago. I had a good visit with the diabetes doctor where I found out that the pill that I've been on is working, so I won't have to go on insulin :D My sinuses threw me more issues, I had to go on prednisone, but I think that already they are starting to go downhill again. I also came down with a pretty intense chest cold that I got antibiotics for. They knocked down the infection, but I really don't feel like I bounced back all the way. My body feels a bit weaker... I think that I'll probably need a hospital stay after we get back from Seattle... Yup, we're headed up to Seattle on Wednesday and getting home on Sunday. I promise to try my hardest to post stellar pictures. I also became an aunt again in the time that I haven't been posting. Matt's sister had a beautiful baby boy, who I cannot wait to meet in December when we go out to South Carolina for Christmas.
I know I've been missed :) I also need to share pictues of my BEAUTIFUL new bedroom set. My garden has also started to produce a lot of good food... mmmm food. Today is a lazy day on the couch... reserving my energy to have as much as possible for Seattle.
Love to all my friends...
Talana
I had a good birthday... that was over a month ago. I had a good visit with the diabetes doctor where I found out that the pill that I've been on is working, so I won't have to go on insulin :D My sinuses threw me more issues, I had to go on prednisone, but I think that already they are starting to go downhill again. I also came down with a pretty intense chest cold that I got antibiotics for. They knocked down the infection, but I really don't feel like I bounced back all the way. My body feels a bit weaker... I think that I'll probably need a hospital stay after we get back from Seattle... Yup, we're headed up to Seattle on Wednesday and getting home on Sunday. I promise to try my hardest to post stellar pictures. I also became an aunt again in the time that I haven't been posting. Matt's sister had a beautiful baby boy, who I cannot wait to meet in December when we go out to South Carolina for Christmas.
I know I've been missed :) I also need to share pictues of my BEAUTIFUL new bedroom set. My garden has also started to produce a lot of good food... mmmm food. Today is a lazy day on the couch... reserving my energy to have as much as possible for Seattle.
Love to all my friends...
Talana
Monday, July 14, 2008
Quick Update
I had a great weekend, a great birthday, and a good time all around. I'll post more later, but right now I'm recovering from my very full weekend!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Happy Birthday To ME!
Exactly 26 years ago, at the moment this blog was posted, I was born! I am 26 :) Any birthday is a huge celebration for a CFer. I also send birthday wishes to my grandma. Even though she is not doing well, and this will quite possibly be her last birthday, she's my special, birthday sharing Grandma.
Time to go play on the beach!
Time to go play on the beach!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Family Reunion
Right now Matt and I are on our was to Pacific City, OR to my yearly Lyda family reunion. A yearly tradition that I've grown up with, always the second weekend of July, and except for a brief break, it's almost always at the coast. This is the spot that 3 years ago Matt proposed to me. Below are a few pictures of what I'll be seeing this weekend.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Summer
I love summer in Oregon. Sure, we're known for our rain. The dreary days stretch out endlessly, but that is only in the winter. When summer comes around, the clouds run away, the sky turns blue, and the days warm. Sunny day after sunny day stretch out, lasting the entirety of July and August. Over two full months with only a trace of rain here and there. And while it may get warm, it hardly ever gets hot like so many other places in the country. Triple digits are rare, maybe a few times a year, and the humidity almost always stays blissfully low. A "muggy" day here would be laughable by the standards set by the rest of the country.
I never realized my favorite part about summer here though until I spent summer days in Maine, South Carolina, and Florida... my favorite part, is that every night brings relief from the warmth of the day. The crystal clear skies bring in cool air. Houses are thrown open, welcoming the coolness. It's almost average to have a low in the 50's, even in the heat of August. Air conditioners are rare in homes here, because of our cool nights. If you open up the house at night, and close it up in the morning, it will stay livable most days.
The landscape also stays fairly green, even though it doesn't really rain. Our months of rain before it creates a high water table, that is fed all summer by the melting snow from the mountains.
Glorious...
I never realized my favorite part about summer here though until I spent summer days in Maine, South Carolina, and Florida... my favorite part, is that every night brings relief from the warmth of the day. The crystal clear skies bring in cool air. Houses are thrown open, welcoming the coolness. It's almost average to have a low in the 50's, even in the heat of August. Air conditioners are rare in homes here, because of our cool nights. If you open up the house at night, and close it up in the morning, it will stay livable most days.
The landscape also stays fairly green, even though it doesn't really rain. Our months of rain before it creates a high water table, that is fed all summer by the melting snow from the mountains.
Glorious...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
What do you think?
So what do ya'll think about daily 3PM posts that I have been doing the last several days? Do you mind that some posts may have been written a few days before?
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Hazard
I know I have not introduced many aspects of my daily life... so here is the first..
This is my baby boy Hazard.
Right before Matt and I were married, we decided that we wanted a kitty for me. He already had Lil' One, who was devoted to him for life, and while she accepted my existence, she definitely was not a kitty I could call my own.
After much difficulty with the Willamette Humane Society in Salem, we decided to go to the Oregon Humane Society up in Portland, to see what they had. We already decided we probably wanted a kitten. While we are fine adopting older kitties, we wanted someone small to make the adjustment on Lil' One better. We showed up to the very busy Humane Society, as there was a mass adoption of Labradoodles going on. All of their kittens were spoken for, except for one black baby. We asked to visit with him and were escorted to a private viewing room. Soon they brought the kitten to the room, placed him down, and left, giving us a chance to interact with him. However, the little fur ball was not interested in us at all. He was not scared of us, but would not even feign interest in the toys that we dangled, did not want to be petted. No, instead this kitty needed to check out the room. He sniffed every surface, wiggled into all the corners, and got the lay of the room. As soon as he did, he switched into an entirely different kitty. He became playful, loving, and like any other friendly kitten. This personality quirk of fully exploring his surroundings when changed became the first of his many endearing traits.
That very first night, he taught us his name. We were driving him own, on a rain drenched, wind swept, dark night that signals the start of the stormy season in Oregon every late fall. The freeway was covered in water, visibility was bad, and the wind shifted the car like it was a small child's sailboat. Hazard was restless in the car, again showing his need to explore every surface inch of his new surroundings. He climbed out of my reach in the passenger seat, up Matt, the driver's shoulder, and out on his head. Two paws onto Matt's hat bill, chaos broke lose. Suddenly, in slow motion, I watched as the hat fell to cover Matt's face, his glasses tumble into his lap, quickly followed by a black furry streak. I grabbed the wheel with one hand, picked up the cat, popped the hat off of Matt's face, then handed him his glasses with a flair and coordination that I can only exhibit in situations where my livelihood is on the line.
After we were safely piloted by a driver who not only no longer had a hat across his face, but could also see with the aid of his glasses, I turned my attention to the small black cat. Exactly what type of cat would try to kill the people who just saved him? He didn't even let us get home before he tried to kill us! You would think that cats would know that part of being adopted was not to kill the adoptive parents... shouldn't they have a class or something? I held his face firmly in my hands and looked deep into his eyes.....
"Hey little guy, you can't be a road hazard".
As soon as the word hazard left my lips, the cat lunged forward towards my face, head butting me with a force of a big bear hug. I pulled him back and looked at him again...
"Hazard?"
He responded with another emphatic head butt, and another, and another. We had found his name... and another of his endearing qualities. The number of times that head has butted against mine are numerous. Soon we found that he communicated by varying his meows, able to express exactly what he thought about any situation. Him running in one morning, meowing a blue streak, telling me that Matt dared to feed them pate food was probably one of the funniest moments of my life.
My sweet, fuzzy, wild Hazard. There is no question in my mind how much he loves me... even if he did try to kill me!
This is my baby boy Hazard.
Right before Matt and I were married, we decided that we wanted a kitty for me. He already had Lil' One, who was devoted to him for life, and while she accepted my existence, she definitely was not a kitty I could call my own.
After much difficulty with the Willamette Humane Society in Salem, we decided to go to the Oregon Humane Society up in Portland, to see what they had. We already decided we probably wanted a kitten. While we are fine adopting older kitties, we wanted someone small to make the adjustment on Lil' One better. We showed up to the very busy Humane Society, as there was a mass adoption of Labradoodles going on. All of their kittens were spoken for, except for one black baby. We asked to visit with him and were escorted to a private viewing room. Soon they brought the kitten to the room, placed him down, and left, giving us a chance to interact with him. However, the little fur ball was not interested in us at all. He was not scared of us, but would not even feign interest in the toys that we dangled, did not want to be petted. No, instead this kitty needed to check out the room. He sniffed every surface, wiggled into all the corners, and got the lay of the room. As soon as he did, he switched into an entirely different kitty. He became playful, loving, and like any other friendly kitten. This personality quirk of fully exploring his surroundings when changed became the first of his many endearing traits.
That very first night, he taught us his name. We were driving him own, on a rain drenched, wind swept, dark night that signals the start of the stormy season in Oregon every late fall. The freeway was covered in water, visibility was bad, and the wind shifted the car like it was a small child's sailboat. Hazard was restless in the car, again showing his need to explore every surface inch of his new surroundings. He climbed out of my reach in the passenger seat, up Matt, the driver's shoulder, and out on his head. Two paws onto Matt's hat bill, chaos broke lose. Suddenly, in slow motion, I watched as the hat fell to cover Matt's face, his glasses tumble into his lap, quickly followed by a black furry streak. I grabbed the wheel with one hand, picked up the cat, popped the hat off of Matt's face, then handed him his glasses with a flair and coordination that I can only exhibit in situations where my livelihood is on the line.
After we were safely piloted by a driver who not only no longer had a hat across his face, but could also see with the aid of his glasses, I turned my attention to the small black cat. Exactly what type of cat would try to kill the people who just saved him? He didn't even let us get home before he tried to kill us! You would think that cats would know that part of being adopted was not to kill the adoptive parents... shouldn't they have a class or something? I held his face firmly in my hands and looked deep into his eyes.....
"Hey little guy, you can't be a road hazard".
As soon as the word hazard left my lips, the cat lunged forward towards my face, head butting me with a force of a big bear hug. I pulled him back and looked at him again...
"Hazard?"
He responded with another emphatic head butt, and another, and another. We had found his name... and another of his endearing qualities. The number of times that head has butted against mine are numerous. Soon we found that he communicated by varying his meows, able to express exactly what he thought about any situation. Him running in one morning, meowing a blue streak, telling me that Matt dared to feed them pate food was probably one of the funniest moments of my life.
My sweet, fuzzy, wild Hazard. There is no question in my mind how much he loves me... even if he did try to kill me!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Maybe They'll Still Know
First, I've added a couple more links on the right sidebar. Please visit them and show the great support to other blogs like you show me!
I've lately noticed a little habit of mine that I'm not sure how it started, and while it may have the greatest of intentions, probably looks a little funny.
There is a an interesection of two highways in town where it can be very difficult to get on the westbound highway, especially at rush hour. It's a difficult place to get on at, merging into traffic, hoping someone will let me in. You have to usually hope that people will give you a gap, and slip your car into it. Being a friendly person, I always wave once I've merged in, in a sign of my apprecation. That's normal, friendly thing to do. However, I've noticed that whenever I'm in my car alone, I mouth thank you while I wave. No one hears me, but I swear, they won't be happy with me if I don't say thank you! Yes I know the can't see my mouth, but I feel really guilty if I don't mouth it!
Maybe the universe tells them for me!
This quirk brought to you by the fabulously quirky me!
I've lately noticed a little habit of mine that I'm not sure how it started, and while it may have the greatest of intentions, probably looks a little funny.
There is a an interesection of two highways in town where it can be very difficult to get on the westbound highway, especially at rush hour. It's a difficult place to get on at, merging into traffic, hoping someone will let me in. You have to usually hope that people will give you a gap, and slip your car into it. Being a friendly person, I always wave once I've merged in, in a sign of my apprecation. That's normal, friendly thing to do. However, I've noticed that whenever I'm in my car alone, I mouth thank you while I wave. No one hears me, but I swear, they won't be happy with me if I don't say thank you! Yes I know the can't see my mouth, but I feel really guilty if I don't mouth it!
Maybe the universe tells them for me!
This quirk brought to you by the fabulously quirky me!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Across the Country 2007 - Part 2
After starting our drive in Eugene on Sunday, July 8th (actually you could say we started at the Pacific Ocean the day before), we reached my sister's place in Kentucky on Tuesday morning. Not bad time at all! Heidi, my sister, lives in Kentucky, where she attends Asbury Seminary where she is working for a degree in mission work. Matt and I spent most of the day sleeping in a real bed. After we felt more rested, we went out to dinner, then to the Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets Premiere. Matt and I slept again, ready to leave on Wednesday, make the final push to South Carolina, and get there before day's end, so we wouldn't spend Thursday the 12th, my birthday on the road. Here are some shots from this leg of our trip.
Matt and Heidi, hanging out.
Me, getting caught up with the world.
Did somebody say chicken?
Navigator's tools.
Hey, that's the state we were looking for!
A rainbow, right as we arrive at our destination.
Matt and Heidi, hanging out.
Me, getting caught up with the world.
Did somebody say chicken?
Navigator's tools.
Hey, that's the state we were looking for!
A rainbow, right as we arrive at our destination.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Simple Things
I'm snacking on a whole pile of fresh pea pods from my garden. They are so tasty :) So far we've been able to harvest peas, strawberries, chives, radishes, lettuce, spinach, and one deliciously sweet onion. I love being able to go out and just much and graze :) Today I noticed my blueberries, slowly growing plumper by the day, and my first tomato, starting to turn color. I don't like raw tomato that much, but I love to cook with them :) Still growing and maturing in my garden I have rhubarb, peppers, squash, zucchini, celery, eggplant, pole beans, bush beans, artichoke, cauliflower, carrots, and kohlrabi. Points if you know what kolhrabi is! I leave you with a picture progression of my garden, from a few months ago to pictures from this morning.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Happy Fourth!
Note - Pepe has pulled through her transplant, but had to go back to the OR after a few hours to stop bleeding. This is not unexpected with the severity of her disease, but it was concerning none the less. She has made it through the second operation and is recovering... my thoughts are with her, her family and friends, as well as the donor family.
Happy Fourth all :)
Enjoy the fireworks... especially if you are in South Carolina which has fireworks that are so illegal here! Here, nothing can fly off the ground, the fountains are super limited in height... but oh the fireworks my brother-in-law, Josh, sells in South Carolina!
Happy Fourth all :)
Enjoy the fireworks... especially if you are in South Carolina which has fireworks that are so illegal here! Here, nothing can fly off the ground, the fountains are super limited in height... but oh the fireworks my brother-in-law, Josh, sells in South Carolina!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Across the Country 2007
(Please read my last entry about Pepe!)
In the Summer of 2007, one of my "always wanted to do" came true, and Matt and I drove across the country. I've always wanted to be able to go across the county, in a car, with the miles of road stretching in front and behind of me like a ribbon. Below is a small portion of our trip, with more portions hopefully coming.
A fully loaded back seat, all the essentials for a 3 week trip :)
Our first mountain pass, over the Cascades. I took the slightly longer route, the Cascade Lakes Scenic Byway as Matt had never been over it before. Winding between mountain lakes, bending around mountains, then falling into the city of Bend, it is a great drive on a sunny summer day. In Bend we had lunch with my Uncle Bob, Aunt Momi, Cousin Gerad, and Momi's mother Fumiko. It was great to touch base with them before heading out on adventures untold. The day before, we had seen my father's side of the family at the coast at family reunion, so seeing a bit of my mother's family as well was a great way to head off.
A stop for those little things you don't really think much about before heading out at Target in Nampa, ID, where the history of my family in the area is deep, with most of my father's side of the family working the land there in generations previous. I think we ended up buying batteries, extra sunscreen, a new CD player (as mine was terrible) and even a gift for Matt's brother while we were there.
We got back on the road, the sun setting at our backs, as we continued our journey eastward. Around 10pm that night, I was done driving, as I had been at the wheel since we left Eugene, and we were now approaching the Idaho/Utah border. Matt and I switched places, and I climbed into the passenger seat, curling up under my favorite blanket, and catching a night of sleep. We were in a hurry, as we needed to be in South Carolina by Friday, as Matt's cousin was getting married that Saturday. We made the decision to only stop for food and walking around on the way out to Kentucky, where we would spend the night at my sister's place. I took the day side driving, Matt tackled the nighttime. Sunday turned into Monday as we crossed the Rocky Mountains. At the Wyoming/Nebraska border, after we ate breakfast, it was time to trade off again. I drove across Nebraska, stopping at Cabela's to pick up my my father a few items from one of his favorite vendors.
Granted I didn't expect to see an elephant inside!
I like how they appreciate the fact that, well, places are a little spread out in Nebraska...
And signs directing us to well, ourselves, Fairfax, and in case we wanted Oregon, Missouri... there we go!
More to share later!
In the Summer of 2007, one of my "always wanted to do" came true, and Matt and I drove across the country. I've always wanted to be able to go across the county, in a car, with the miles of road stretching in front and behind of me like a ribbon. Below is a small portion of our trip, with more portions hopefully coming.
A fully loaded back seat, all the essentials for a 3 week trip :)
Our first mountain pass, over the Cascades. I took the slightly longer route, the Cascade Lakes Scenic Byway as Matt had never been over it before. Winding between mountain lakes, bending around mountains, then falling into the city of Bend, it is a great drive on a sunny summer day. In Bend we had lunch with my Uncle Bob, Aunt Momi, Cousin Gerad, and Momi's mother Fumiko. It was great to touch base with them before heading out on adventures untold. The day before, we had seen my father's side of the family at the coast at family reunion, so seeing a bit of my mother's family as well was a great way to head off.
A stop for those little things you don't really think much about before heading out at Target in Nampa, ID, where the history of my family in the area is deep, with most of my father's side of the family working the land there in generations previous. I think we ended up buying batteries, extra sunscreen, a new CD player (as mine was terrible) and even a gift for Matt's brother while we were there.
We got back on the road, the sun setting at our backs, as we continued our journey eastward. Around 10pm that night, I was done driving, as I had been at the wheel since we left Eugene, and we were now approaching the Idaho/Utah border. Matt and I switched places, and I climbed into the passenger seat, curling up under my favorite blanket, and catching a night of sleep. We were in a hurry, as we needed to be in South Carolina by Friday, as Matt's cousin was getting married that Saturday. We made the decision to only stop for food and walking around on the way out to Kentucky, where we would spend the night at my sister's place. I took the day side driving, Matt tackled the nighttime. Sunday turned into Monday as we crossed the Rocky Mountains. At the Wyoming/Nebraska border, after we ate breakfast, it was time to trade off again. I drove across Nebraska, stopping at Cabela's to pick up my my father a few items from one of his favorite vendors.
Granted I didn't expect to see an elephant inside!
I like how they appreciate the fact that, well, places are a little spread out in Nebraska...
And signs directing us to well, ourselves, Fairfax, and in case we wanted Oregon, Missouri... there we go!
More to share later!
Miracle in Motion!
I woke up this morning, scared to check one of the blogs of my Internet friends who I have spent time chatting with at Cysticfibrosis.com. Gina a.k.a. Pepe has been very sick for a long time, with frequent absences from the nightly chat room brought by needing the vent again, or simply needing all of her energy just to breathe. I don't even know how long she's been in the hospital, but I know that she's been in for a very long time, waiting for a transplant, hearing the transplant may not be an option, and fighting just to live. All the while she maintained a wonderful spirit that I loved in the chat room.
Yesterday, my heart broke as I read the latest entry. I prayed for one more chance, for Gina to step past death one last time. I never imagined that THE CALL would come, that that is the first news that greeted me this morning. God came through greater than my biggest prayers. She still has a long road. Surgery is not even done, and her life hangs by a thread, in the hands of the surgeon's, guided by God.
Yesterday, my heart broke as I read the latest entry. I prayed for one more chance, for Gina to step past death one last time. I never imagined that THE CALL would come, that that is the first news that greeted me this morning. God came through greater than my biggest prayers. She still has a long road. Surgery is not even done, and her life hangs by a thread, in the hands of the surgeon's, guided by God.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Coming Home
This is chapter 15 in my history. Other chapters can be can be found by clicking on "History" at the right.
I know, it's been a long time since I gave a glimpse into my history, but here, goes, and we're almost up to the present.
I left off right after marrying my love, Matt. We settled into a tiny apartment in Salem, OR, with my long time roommate, Tyrone. Life was tough, between being in debt, Matt traveling an hour each way to work in Eugene, and living in a tiny apartment. I still was unable to find a teaching job, so I continued substitute teaching. By this time it was obvious that my health was slowly failing, but I was too stubborn to admit it. I was taking more and more days off from subbing, napping heavily on days where I did work, and never felt well. By Spring 2007, it was clear to me, Matt, and my parents that it was time for me to quit, but I was unsure if we could make it financially. This is when God's grace again touched my life and changed it radically.
Matt and I were both saying a prayer for a way to lift ourselves from the blanket of debt that smothered us. While we were able to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and the lights on, our credit card debt was out of control, especially mine. Years of living paycheck to paycheck and still not making it had caught up to me. All of my cards were over their limits, and the monthly minimums were impossible for me to make. I mostly stayed quiet about my struggle, the shame alone was too much for me to handle, let alone the humility to ask those around me for help. I sent up prayers for someway to wipe the slate clean, start over, and be free of the constant fear and paranoia of living in debt gave me.
Around this time, we were also considering a move to Eugene. This would put Matt in the same city as his work, and I could go back to a less demanding retail job, that hopefully I wouldn't bet as sick at. Tyrone, also ready for a new start, accompanied us on a low-income apartment search in Eugene. We started the next week, back to the grind of daily life, when Matt received news that would radically change the condition of our lives. The company that Matt worked for as a game programmer was being purchased by a larger company. The company would stay essentially the same, but now have capital to help make their goals a reality. In addition, they were buying the stock that the employees had invested. Matt had a significant amount of stock, and now we were set to receive a significant amount of money. Our debt would be gone, our worry lessened, and suddenly my not working didn't seem as scary. Not only that, but we had enough money to put a large down payment on a house... to go from one weekend looking at low-income apartments to looking at homes the very next weekend was quite the experience.
They say that money doesn't buy happiness, and at it's very core, that is a true statement. But the money made it so that there was so much less worry in our lives. The ability to relax and not stress as much led to more happiness and joy in our lives. We found a home fairly quickly and by April 2007 we were homeowners with only the mortgage hanging in our debt cloud. I made the official decision to quit work, and after an August hospitalization, I applied for disability. Officially resigning myself to not teaching anymore was difficult. I hated the thought of giving up the fight with my body to reach my dreams, but I knew that I couldn't physically handle it anymore. I was approved for disability, not a small feet for a first time applicant, and now we live in our home, happy and financially safe.
For the most part, this brings us up to today. There are many more stories to tell, but those will come, with time :) I am going to try to get better about posting more frequently, so we will see what happens!
I know, it's been a long time since I gave a glimpse into my history, but here, goes, and we're almost up to the present.
I left off right after marrying my love, Matt. We settled into a tiny apartment in Salem, OR, with my long time roommate, Tyrone. Life was tough, between being in debt, Matt traveling an hour each way to work in Eugene, and living in a tiny apartment. I still was unable to find a teaching job, so I continued substitute teaching. By this time it was obvious that my health was slowly failing, but I was too stubborn to admit it. I was taking more and more days off from subbing, napping heavily on days where I did work, and never felt well. By Spring 2007, it was clear to me, Matt, and my parents that it was time for me to quit, but I was unsure if we could make it financially. This is when God's grace again touched my life and changed it radically.
Matt and I were both saying a prayer for a way to lift ourselves from the blanket of debt that smothered us. While we were able to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and the lights on, our credit card debt was out of control, especially mine. Years of living paycheck to paycheck and still not making it had caught up to me. All of my cards were over their limits, and the monthly minimums were impossible for me to make. I mostly stayed quiet about my struggle, the shame alone was too much for me to handle, let alone the humility to ask those around me for help. I sent up prayers for someway to wipe the slate clean, start over, and be free of the constant fear and paranoia of living in debt gave me.
Around this time, we were also considering a move to Eugene. This would put Matt in the same city as his work, and I could go back to a less demanding retail job, that hopefully I wouldn't bet as sick at. Tyrone, also ready for a new start, accompanied us on a low-income apartment search in Eugene. We started the next week, back to the grind of daily life, when Matt received news that would radically change the condition of our lives. The company that Matt worked for as a game programmer was being purchased by a larger company. The company would stay essentially the same, but now have capital to help make their goals a reality. In addition, they were buying the stock that the employees had invested. Matt had a significant amount of stock, and now we were set to receive a significant amount of money. Our debt would be gone, our worry lessened, and suddenly my not working didn't seem as scary. Not only that, but we had enough money to put a large down payment on a house... to go from one weekend looking at low-income apartments to looking at homes the very next weekend was quite the experience.
They say that money doesn't buy happiness, and at it's very core, that is a true statement. But the money made it so that there was so much less worry in our lives. The ability to relax and not stress as much led to more happiness and joy in our lives. We found a home fairly quickly and by April 2007 we were homeowners with only the mortgage hanging in our debt cloud. I made the official decision to quit work, and after an August hospitalization, I applied for disability. Officially resigning myself to not teaching anymore was difficult. I hated the thought of giving up the fight with my body to reach my dreams, but I knew that I couldn't physically handle it anymore. I was approved for disability, not a small feet for a first time applicant, and now we live in our home, happy and financially safe.
For the most part, this brings us up to today. There are many more stories to tell, but those will come, with time :) I am going to try to get better about posting more frequently, so we will see what happens!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Why I'm so shocked my lung function was up
I live in the Willamette Valley, which is beautiful, green, and temperate almost all year long. But the valley also has it's own little demon that shows its face every year, in late Spring, grass pollen. We grow somewhere around 90% of the grass seed for the WORLD here... and when you have a grass allergy and lung disease, that can be quite the challenge.
My allergies are not as severe as they were when I was younger, but it's always a challenge. My local paper did an article today that out lies how our "pollen soup" could effect the lung function of the elite athletes coming to town for the Olympic Trials. Imagine what that could do to little old me!
So lung function being up... a blessing indeed!
My allergies are not as severe as they were when I was younger, but it's always a challenge. My local paper did an article today that out lies how our "pollen soup" could effect the lung function of the elite athletes coming to town for the Olympic Trials. Imagine what that could do to little old me!
So lung function being up... a blessing indeed!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Good Clinic
Went to CF clinic today. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. Up until last week, I was pretty sure that I may end up in the hospital. The last few days, despite increasing severity of allergy symptoms, I thought maybe I'd avoid the hospital.
Well...
My lung function went up. It inched up, slightly, so that my total capacity is 52% of what would be expected for my weight and height, while the amount of air I can force out in the first second, the number my clinic is most interested in, was at 44%, also a gain from last time. My weight stayed stable... a good thing and a bad thing. At least I didn't go down, but I really need to put on weight. More working and struggling with that.
Thank you for your prayers. I jump in lung function in the peak of allergy season is a huge blessing.
Well...
My lung function went up. It inched up, slightly, so that my total capacity is 52% of what would be expected for my weight and height, while the amount of air I can force out in the first second, the number my clinic is most interested in, was at 44%, also a gain from last time. My weight stayed stable... a good thing and a bad thing. At least I didn't go down, but I really need to put on weight. More working and struggling with that.
Thank you for your prayers. I jump in lung function in the peak of allergy season is a huge blessing.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Leaving on a Jet Plane
This is me and my sister Heidi. As I type this,she is bound for Kenya, leaving for a month on a missions trip. Although I rarely see her, being that she lived in Kentucky, I'll miss being able to talk with her several times a week. I pray for her safety and that she will be able to do good work over there :)
What Hurts the Most...
I really, really hate this disease sometimes.
Sure, it robs me of my future, my breath, the time out of my day to do treatments, and makes far more decisions for me than I do the older I get.
But that is not what my true passionate hatred is reserved for.
That comes from when I watch people with CF, especially those that are significantly younger than me. Today Haley Palmer passed away from complications of CF at only 12. A year ago she was going on vacation, playing soccer, and living life to its fullest, the way any CF patient learns to live by virtue of their illness. In a short time her lung function tanked, rose again, then almost inexplicably tanked again. Usually lung function decline does not happen that fast in CF, but it doesn't matter... the killer that lives within me and thousands of others took another brave, and all too young fighter. As I spent the afternoon, reading journal entries about her life, she was flying up with the angels to God.
I hate this disease with the heat of a thousand suns tonight. It turns us into fighters, makes us love life, appreciate moments, be strong... but then it also always takes in the end. I'm okay with my fate that I'll probably die with CF... but Haley? She didn't even get the chance to go to High School, get a transplant, or reach the age of adulthood. I can't say that she didn't get the chance to grow up... CF forces kids to grow up in so many ways... yet we still are able to live, laugh, love, and have pure joy, something that many adults lose with the passing of the years.
I don't regret having CF. The lessons it's taught me are numerous. But even knowing that, I still am hurting tonight.
Sure, it robs me of my future, my breath, the time out of my day to do treatments, and makes far more decisions for me than I do the older I get.
But that is not what my true passionate hatred is reserved for.
That comes from when I watch people with CF, especially those that are significantly younger than me. Today Haley Palmer passed away from complications of CF at only 12. A year ago she was going on vacation, playing soccer, and living life to its fullest, the way any CF patient learns to live by virtue of their illness. In a short time her lung function tanked, rose again, then almost inexplicably tanked again. Usually lung function decline does not happen that fast in CF, but it doesn't matter... the killer that lives within me and thousands of others took another brave, and all too young fighter. As I spent the afternoon, reading journal entries about her life, she was flying up with the angels to God.
I hate this disease with the heat of a thousand suns tonight. It turns us into fighters, makes us love life, appreciate moments, be strong... but then it also always takes in the end. I'm okay with my fate that I'll probably die with CF... but Haley? She didn't even get the chance to go to High School, get a transplant, or reach the age of adulthood. I can't say that she didn't get the chance to grow up... CF forces kids to grow up in so many ways... yet we still are able to live, laugh, love, and have pure joy, something that many adults lose with the passing of the years.
I don't regret having CF. The lessons it's taught me are numerous. But even knowing that, I still am hurting tonight.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Lazy Days but Relaxion Hard to Find
I know it's been awhile since I've updated. I apologize... in part, it's not because that I've been too busy, or too tired, or had nothing to say... I just haven't. It's hard to explain. In many ways I feel like I'm stuck in Groundhog Day. Each day with ever so slight changes, but the script plays out with the same arch's day in and day out.
I wake up in the "morning", rather it be morning at 11:30 am or 2 pm. I drag myself from bed, usually try to motivate myself to find food and do my meds. Some days I succeed, others I fail. If I have something to do that day, I head out in the world. Sometimes those days are amazing and great and happy. Others I don't feel good and they are painful and dreadful. I never know what I'll wake up to.
By 6pm I've usually ate, done meds, and possibly gone out for the day... or I've spent the day watching TV in bed. I start to think what I'll do for dinner for Matt and I, possibly get up and start cooking, or other days resign myself to something quickly thrown together as that is all the energy I can muster.
Evenings is when I'm usually at my best. I watch TV with Matt, I become more animated, more energized. I've always said I'm at my best after 7pm. I'll take my bath, do my meds, and feel good and happy for a few hours.
Then into the wee hours of the morning 1,2, 3 A.M., Matt and I curl up in bed, read, and go to sleep to start another day.
What's special about this script? It's full of my trying to accept me. Figuring out what I am still capable of doing. Pushing myself to do what I can. But struggling deeply to find acceptance when I can't do something. That's been the story of my life for the last year or so. I've always been so capable despite my health. I was able to exceed so many expectations of me. Now, I can't. Some days picking up clutter in the house is enough to wipe my energy for the day. And that is so hard for me to take. I don't like it, I don't want to accept it, but I really don't have a choice. I lash out at those that help me, I've never liked help in the first place, but now the fact that I need it hurts me deeply because it makes me realize how much I've slowly lost. It's said that you don't miss things until they are gone. Slowly, my physical abilities have wained... and I often question when things disappeared. Because they left me so slowly, I sometimes don't realize how much I can't do until I try and fail.
Given all that, I'm still trying and fighting. Really there is no choice. I'm working on accepting what I have... valuing it because things could be worse. I'll forever be grateful for how long my CF held off. What I was able to do that so many others were unable to do. I'll fight jealousy at those who still can operate like a normal person.
Quick Prayers and Blessings:
Nate, Tricia, and Gwyneth are home on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Their story still amazes me. All the blessings, the grace of God, and strength in the darkest times.
My Grandmother is going in for gall bladder and hernia repair surgery on Monday. I'll be taking care of her for the most part. While I know that it should go fine, I'm naturally worried. She's 82, so any surgery is not taken lightly. Prayers are needed for her. I will try to be as nurturing as I can, something that does not always come easily to me.
Lastly, I leave you with a video from my beautiful Eva. Watch it. At 8 minutes, it is long, but so powerful. If you want an idea of what CF is like, then watch. Eva is living beautifully, thanks to the gift of life that she received last Fall.
I wake up in the "morning", rather it be morning at 11:30 am or 2 pm. I drag myself from bed, usually try to motivate myself to find food and do my meds. Some days I succeed, others I fail. If I have something to do that day, I head out in the world. Sometimes those days are amazing and great and happy. Others I don't feel good and they are painful and dreadful. I never know what I'll wake up to.
By 6pm I've usually ate, done meds, and possibly gone out for the day... or I've spent the day watching TV in bed. I start to think what I'll do for dinner for Matt and I, possibly get up and start cooking, or other days resign myself to something quickly thrown together as that is all the energy I can muster.
Evenings is when I'm usually at my best. I watch TV with Matt, I become more animated, more energized. I've always said I'm at my best after 7pm. I'll take my bath, do my meds, and feel good and happy for a few hours.
Then into the wee hours of the morning 1,2, 3 A.M., Matt and I curl up in bed, read, and go to sleep to start another day.
What's special about this script? It's full of my trying to accept me. Figuring out what I am still capable of doing. Pushing myself to do what I can. But struggling deeply to find acceptance when I can't do something. That's been the story of my life for the last year or so. I've always been so capable despite my health. I was able to exceed so many expectations of me. Now, I can't. Some days picking up clutter in the house is enough to wipe my energy for the day. And that is so hard for me to take. I don't like it, I don't want to accept it, but I really don't have a choice. I lash out at those that help me, I've never liked help in the first place, but now the fact that I need it hurts me deeply because it makes me realize how much I've slowly lost. It's said that you don't miss things until they are gone. Slowly, my physical abilities have wained... and I often question when things disappeared. Because they left me so slowly, I sometimes don't realize how much I can't do until I try and fail.
Given all that, I'm still trying and fighting. Really there is no choice. I'm working on accepting what I have... valuing it because things could be worse. I'll forever be grateful for how long my CF held off. What I was able to do that so many others were unable to do. I'll fight jealousy at those who still can operate like a normal person.
Quick Prayers and Blessings:
Nate, Tricia, and Gwyneth are home on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Their story still amazes me. All the blessings, the grace of God, and strength in the darkest times.
My Grandmother is going in for gall bladder and hernia repair surgery on Monday. I'll be taking care of her for the most part. While I know that it should go fine, I'm naturally worried. She's 82, so any surgery is not taken lightly. Prayers are needed for her. I will try to be as nurturing as I can, something that does not always come easily to me.
Lastly, I leave you with a video from my beautiful Eva. Watch it. At 8 minutes, it is long, but so powerful. If you want an idea of what CF is like, then watch. Eva is living beautifully, thanks to the gift of life that she received last Fall.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)