In memory of my dear Jenn, I have started The Finding Jenn Project.
Please visit and pass it along!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
2 weeks ago she died....
1 week ago I was at her service, so many miles from home...
And today, I had my worst lung function tests, I think ever. FEV1 of 32% I think. Ugh. My CF team is not worried yet, as I look good, and I feel good, and I am having a definite flare in my sinuses that may be compromising my lungs. Also given the tests were the first thing in the morning, when I always have trouble. So since I still feel good, we are trying 2 weeks of Cipro and a month of Septra, both oral antibiotics. Hopefully in a week I won't be coughing as much. I am also being referred to have a sleep study as I think I may be dropping my oxygen saturation at night. I am always sore and achy, I have some headaches, some blue fingertips, and it just makes me wonder.
I know, not a good update. But really, the facts sound harsher than the reality. I still don't feel bad. I was able to play with my "nephews" in Portland, the lovely sons of my long time BFF (one of two) Jenn, lug my luggage up the flight of stairs and back down, drive myself to clinic, and not feel terrible doing it. I am sore now, but that is becoming more the norm that I just deal with until we can find the root of it. I am so thankful that my life is in a good place right now. That I have so much love and support around me, and that I feel good to enjoy what I have.
1 week ago I was at her service, so many miles from home...
And today, I had my worst lung function tests, I think ever. FEV1 of 32% I think. Ugh. My CF team is not worried yet, as I look good, and I feel good, and I am having a definite flare in my sinuses that may be compromising my lungs. Also given the tests were the first thing in the morning, when I always have trouble. So since I still feel good, we are trying 2 weeks of Cipro and a month of Septra, both oral antibiotics. Hopefully in a week I won't be coughing as much. I am also being referred to have a sleep study as I think I may be dropping my oxygen saturation at night. I am always sore and achy, I have some headaches, some blue fingertips, and it just makes me wonder.
I know, not a good update. But really, the facts sound harsher than the reality. I still don't feel bad. I was able to play with my "nephews" in Portland, the lovely sons of my long time BFF (one of two) Jenn, lug my luggage up the flight of stairs and back down, drive myself to clinic, and not feel terrible doing it. I am sore now, but that is becoming more the norm that I just deal with until we can find the root of it. I am so thankful that my life is in a good place right now. That I have so much love and support around me, and that I feel good to enjoy what I have.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
How you can help
I've had a lot of people ask me how they can help after the passing of Jenn, either with donations of monetary or fiber. I do have a project that I am dreaming up, but I first am going to get permission from her family that they are willing to let her memory be used to support other CFers.
There are two ways to do a monetary donation. I am aware of a large donation already going to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation in Jenn's name. If you choose this option, her full name was Jennifer Walsh, and the family should be made aware of this donation, even without her address (which I do not feel comfortable posting). Her local chapter was the Massachusetts/Rhode Island Chapter.
You can also donate through my walk for CF, this May in Eugene, Oregon. I'm walking in honor of Jenn this year, and you can find my page over here.
Again, I am in the process of creating a way for knitters to help, a charity knit or crochet that will be a way to reach out to CFers, something that Jenn strived for.
There are two ways to do a monetary donation. I am aware of a large donation already going to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation in Jenn's name. If you choose this option, her full name was Jennifer Walsh, and the family should be made aware of this donation, even without her address (which I do not feel comfortable posting). Her local chapter was the Massachusetts/Rhode Island Chapter.
You can also donate through my walk for CF, this May in Eugene, Oregon. I'm walking in honor of Jenn this year, and you can find my page over here.
Again, I am in the process of creating a way for knitters to help, a charity knit or crochet that will be a way to reach out to CFers, something that Jenn strived for.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Jenn's Service
I am home, and it was a good trip. I think that I needed it in a lot of ways. Below are some pictures, I'll write more when I get a chance, but Matt and I are headed out the door here in a moment.
Sunrise from cruising altitude.

Knitting my flight away.

My beautiful friend.

Memory Table.


Amy and I, representing Jenn's online friends. It was amazing to meet her, and we had a great time, despite the circumstances.

Her family and friends are absolutly amazing as well. :)
Sunrise from cruising altitude.
Knitting my flight away.
My beautiful friend.
Memory Table.
Amy and I, representing Jenn's online friends. It was amazing to meet her, and we had a great time, despite the circumstances.
Her family and friends are absolutly amazing as well. :)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Boston Here I Come
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Still Blank
I feel like I need to write something, but I have no idea what that should be. Just watching the cursor blink, trying to figure out what I should say... how i can express how I feel.
Right now, I can't imagine what her family feels like. With CF, you always know that early death is almost inevitable... but it's not supposed to come so swiftly.
I spent yesterday, finding all the places that I knew her. Looking at pictures. Tyring to figure out if she left with any regrets. Trying to figure out if I left anything unsaid. I don't think I did. But that doesn't really comfort me right now.
I am taking care of myself... I'm actually doing better about doing that right now. I keep trying to think what I can do to make myself feel that I am honoring her. That I'm doing what she would want for me. Right now, that's taking care of the physical the best I can, while the emotional works its way through.
Right now, I can't imagine what her family feels like. With CF, you always know that early death is almost inevitable... but it's not supposed to come so swiftly.
I spent yesterday, finding all the places that I knew her. Looking at pictures. Tyring to figure out if she left with any regrets. Trying to figure out if I left anything unsaid. I don't think I did. But that doesn't really comfort me right now.
I am taking care of myself... I'm actually doing better about doing that right now. I keep trying to think what I can do to make myself feel that I am honoring her. That I'm doing what she would want for me. Right now, that's taking care of the physical the best I can, while the emotional works its way through.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
She's Gone...
The miracle didn't come...
She died yesterday morning...
I don't even want to think about it...
Because I'm scared the tears won't stop...
I should be comforted the pain is gone...
And that she is in a better place...
But that all seems like ways to ignore...
How crappy this really is...
A Boston bound plane, may find me soon...
To go to the service of a girl I never met in person...
But loved so much, and miss so much...
It's really not fair.
She died yesterday morning...
I don't even want to think about it...
Because I'm scared the tears won't stop...
I should be comforted the pain is gone...
And that she is in a better place...
But that all seems like ways to ignore...
How crappy this really is...
A Boston bound plane, may find me soon...
To go to the service of a girl I never met in person...
But loved so much, and miss so much...
It's really not fair.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The 100th
I noticed this is my 100th post on here. I wish I could celebrate, but I don't have it in me. Jenn is still on this side of forever, but it's hard to know for how long, or if the miracle will come. I tried to exist normally today, and for anyone not looking too hard, I did. But I hurt. I hurt really bad. And I don't want to talk about it, or acknowledge it, or anything, because that will make it real. And the more real it is, the more I feel that I have already given up on her, and I can't do that. I have to hope against hope, because she would do the same. I don't know what will happen. But right now, the middle ground? It sucks.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Praying
The hazard of being connected to the CF world, is the inevitable, that we are all living with a fatal illness that shows no mercy. Usually you can slowly see it coming... the progression of CF is usually slow, steady, and you can prepare.
But I'm not prepared at all. Right now, one of my closest friends with CF is clinging to life in Rhode Island. Jenn had been in the hospital for the past month, working through a number of health issues, and was improving. Then a few days ago, she had a very bad lung bleed. Currently she is in ICU, vented, and it doesn't look good. I am praying with every fiber of my soul, but I am in so much shock as it came from nowhere... and it's MY JENN. Someone that I bonded with so much, though we've never met in person. The cruelty of no warning, nothing, no preparation... it hurts so badly. She is in the process of getting listed for lungs, but now that chance, a chance for new life, may be gone. It just hurts too much.
But I'm not prepared at all. Right now, one of my closest friends with CF is clinging to life in Rhode Island. Jenn had been in the hospital for the past month, working through a number of health issues, and was improving. Then a few days ago, she had a very bad lung bleed. Currently she is in ICU, vented, and it doesn't look good. I am praying with every fiber of my soul, but I am in so much shock as it came from nowhere... and it's MY JENN. Someone that I bonded with so much, though we've never met in person. The cruelty of no warning, nothing, no preparation... it hurts so badly. She is in the process of getting listed for lungs, but now that chance, a chance for new life, may be gone. It just hurts too much.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Hi!
I know, I'm a terrible blogger!
But life has been pretty good over here. It took me awhile to physically recover from our trip, especially the unexpected monkey wrenches with staying overnight, especially in the thin air of Salt Lake City.
But I do have some amazing news...
In April, Matt and I will be going on a cruise! My lovely, wonderful, amazing, God sent husband, got us a cruise from South America to San Diego for my Christmas gift... I can't wait, and as an incentive to blog, I'll be writing more later.
But life has been pretty good over here. It took me awhile to physically recover from our trip, especially the unexpected monkey wrenches with staying overnight, especially in the thin air of Salt Lake City.
But I do have some amazing news...
In April, Matt and I will be going on a cruise! My lovely, wonderful, amazing, God sent husband, got us a cruise from South America to San Diego for my Christmas gift... I can't wait, and as an incentive to blog, I'll be writing more later.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thanks to Piper who tagged me on her blog, I get to join in on the photo fun. The rules are pretty simple:
1.) Go to your 4th folder where you store your photos.
2.) Select your 4th picture (no exceptions)! Seriously.. no exceptions.
3.) Post the picture with an explanation and link it back to your tagger.
4.) Tag 4 people to do the same!!

This was Matt's and my first Halloween together, just a few weeks after we got married. His pumpkin is on the left, mine on the right!
And I tag...
Froggy Momma :)
Becky
Jess
Sarah
1.) Go to your 4th folder where you store your photos.
2.) Select your 4th picture (no exceptions)! Seriously.. no exceptions.
3.) Post the picture with an explanation and link it back to your tagger.
4.) Tag 4 people to do the same!!
This was Matt's and my first Halloween together, just a few weeks after we got married. His pumpkin is on the left, mine on the right!
And I tag...
Froggy Momma :)
Becky
Jess
Sarah
Monday, December 29, 2008
How to get back to Eugene in 30 hours
Take my last entry... replace the long delay due to fuel line on plane with lacking crew but having plane, make the location Atlanta. Then take the overnight in Cincinnati and replace it with Salt Lake City and you have a rough story line of our trip back.
But... we are home.
But... we are home.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
How to get to South Carolina in 30 hours
So we are in South Carolina, but it definitely was not the smooth trip that I wanted! Prayers worked for clear weather in Eugene. It warmed late Wednesday, then rained all night, not dropping below 35 degrees. We arrived at the airport at 4 am, got through security no problem, then boarded our plane on time, and left Eugene at 6:05 A.M.. On to Salt Lake City we headed, grateful for our good fortune with the weather. We arrived at Salt Lake City, where our smooth trip went down the drain. Our connecting flight to Cincinnati was delayed about an hour because they needed to fly a part in from Atlanta. We settled in the chairs at the airport, knowing that with the delay we'd miss our connection. The airline had already rerouted us to go to Cincinnati, then Atlanta, then finally Charlotte, and also put us on standby for the final direct flight from Cincinnati to Charlotte. We knew it would be a much longer day, but had faith we would make it.
Well... then we watched as our flight delayed further. Then the part from Atlanta did not work. They then decided to replace the entire fuel line of the plane. An hour longer of repair turned into a half hour longer, than a half hour more. Finally 5 hours after our flight was scheduled to depart, they decided that the plane in fact could not be repaired in a timely matter... and they got us another plane. At this point, everyone on our flight was unable to get their connections in Cincinnati. We landed in Cincinnati at nearly 10 PM... where we were sent downstairs to collect our accommodations in local hotels, paid for by the airline since it was their fault that we found ourselves in Northern Kentucky. Yes, you read that right... the Cincinnati airport is in Kentucky. We "lucked" out with our accommodations and ended up at the Hyatt. Some of our fellow "distressed passengers" were sent to budget inns! We also were unable to lay hands our our checked bags... so all we had was our laptops, my medical stuff... and well, that's about all! Matt didn't even have his coat, figuring the bulk of our time outside was spent in Eugene, so he checked it! 32 degrees and waiting for a hotel shuttle was not fun for him! The airline provided us with a small bag with a toothbrush, hairbrush, a packet of toothpaste, q-tips, cotton balls, a t-shirt, and most baffling of all, a packet of laundry detergent. I suppose they expected passengers to find a washing machine and wash the clothes on their back while wearing only a t-shirt? The visual image of that had me giggling pretty good.
After a short rest at the hotel... where my body decided I was napping and not sleeping, so I didn't sleep much at all, we found ourselves at the airport at 615 am, ready for our 8 something departure to Charlotte. At this point I wasn't sure what time it was, let alone what time zone I was in. It's a good thing we got out of Eugene, as the weather turned nasty again after we left, dumping more snow on the city that sees it maybe once to twice a year, and almost never before Christmas.
Our plane in Cincinnati boarded a few minutes late, but we thought we were finally on our way... only to get stuck on the tarmac waiting for a place in line to take off... then Charlotte grounded all incoming flights for fog... finally after sitting on the ground for about 30 minutes, we took to the air... and finally arrived in the Carolina's... only a day late!
But we are here, and happy!
Well... then we watched as our flight delayed further. Then the part from Atlanta did not work. They then decided to replace the entire fuel line of the plane. An hour longer of repair turned into a half hour longer, than a half hour more. Finally 5 hours after our flight was scheduled to depart, they decided that the plane in fact could not be repaired in a timely matter... and they got us another plane. At this point, everyone on our flight was unable to get their connections in Cincinnati. We landed in Cincinnati at nearly 10 PM... where we were sent downstairs to collect our accommodations in local hotels, paid for by the airline since it was their fault that we found ourselves in Northern Kentucky. Yes, you read that right... the Cincinnati airport is in Kentucky. We "lucked" out with our accommodations and ended up at the Hyatt. Some of our fellow "distressed passengers" were sent to budget inns! We also were unable to lay hands our our checked bags... so all we had was our laptops, my medical stuff... and well, that's about all! Matt didn't even have his coat, figuring the bulk of our time outside was spent in Eugene, so he checked it! 32 degrees and waiting for a hotel shuttle was not fun for him! The airline provided us with a small bag with a toothbrush, hairbrush, a packet of toothpaste, q-tips, cotton balls, a t-shirt, and most baffling of all, a packet of laundry detergent. I suppose they expected passengers to find a washing machine and wash the clothes on their back while wearing only a t-shirt? The visual image of that had me giggling pretty good.
After a short rest at the hotel... where my body decided I was napping and not sleeping, so I didn't sleep much at all, we found ourselves at the airport at 615 am, ready for our 8 something departure to Charlotte. At this point I wasn't sure what time it was, let alone what time zone I was in. It's a good thing we got out of Eugene, as the weather turned nasty again after we left, dumping more snow on the city that sees it maybe once to twice a year, and almost never before Christmas.
Our plane in Cincinnati boarded a few minutes late, but we thought we were finally on our way... only to get stuck on the tarmac waiting for a place in line to take off... then Charlotte grounded all incoming flights for fog... finally after sitting on the ground for about 30 minutes, we took to the air... and finally arrived in the Carolina's... only a day late!
But we are here, and happy!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Snow
It snowed last night and today! I love the snow, but hope it doesn't interfere with our travel on Thursday. Right now they are calling for more snow and freezing rain on Wednesday night and Thursday, so things don't look so good! But I'll enjoy it while it's just pretty and not messing up my plans!








Sunday, December 7, 2008
Hiya!
I know I have not posted about my health in awhile, so I'll be doing that, after I make a few random musings!
First, as to my last entry, Carleton University did reinstate the CF Fundraiser. This, however, was not the biggest issue in my mind. It was the terrible spirit in which it was removed, the lack of research that went into it, and the lack of foresight by the students of the board to not realize how badly the motion would reflect upon them. The writer of the petition has since resigned, but it took nearly a week before any real apology was issued by any of the principle people involved. That to me is disgusting. But I digress...
On the non-health front, life it pretty darn good. My roommate Richard moved out, leaving just Matt my husband, myself, and our roommate Tyrone. A change, both good and bad. Thanksgiving was at my house, celebrated by Matt, Tyrone, my parents, my Grandma Vickie, and my Great Aunt Flora and her daughter Susan. Food came out very well, and then I spent 14 hours sleeping off my hard labor :) This Christmas will find Matt and I, along with my parents and sister in South Carolina at Matt's family. It will be the first time that they've really met, as only Matt's mother and aunt were able to make it to our Reno wedding. I am so excited for this trip, as the days tick ever closer. I love Matt's family so much and I'm so happy to see them and have one big meeting of people that I hold near and dear to my heart.
On the health front...
The last several weeks have been tough. I've not been well, but I've not been sick. It started with a severe cold a few weeks ago, that settled in my chest. I was never sick enough to say "I'm sick and I need antibiotics", but I was also never well enough to really feel good. With our upcoming trip, I decided that if I was not in top form, I'd get really sick, so I went on oral antibiotics and prednisone last week. I feel a lot better... better than I've felt in a few weeks :) Pray that my body can handle the long trip and the stress that undoubtedly comes from being away from the home environment.
First, as to my last entry, Carleton University did reinstate the CF Fundraiser. This, however, was not the biggest issue in my mind. It was the terrible spirit in which it was removed, the lack of research that went into it, and the lack of foresight by the students of the board to not realize how badly the motion would reflect upon them. The writer of the petition has since resigned, but it took nearly a week before any real apology was issued by any of the principle people involved. That to me is disgusting. But I digress...
On the non-health front, life it pretty darn good. My roommate Richard moved out, leaving just Matt my husband, myself, and our roommate Tyrone. A change, both good and bad. Thanksgiving was at my house, celebrated by Matt, Tyrone, my parents, my Grandma Vickie, and my Great Aunt Flora and her daughter Susan. Food came out very well, and then I spent 14 hours sleeping off my hard labor :) This Christmas will find Matt and I, along with my parents and sister in South Carolina at Matt's family. It will be the first time that they've really met, as only Matt's mother and aunt were able to make it to our Reno wedding. I am so excited for this trip, as the days tick ever closer. I love Matt's family so much and I'm so happy to see them and have one big meeting of people that I hold near and dear to my heart.
On the health front...
The last several weeks have been tough. I've not been well, but I've not been sick. It started with a severe cold a few weeks ago, that settled in my chest. I was never sick enough to say "I'm sick and I need antibiotics", but I was also never well enough to really feel good. With our upcoming trip, I decided that if I was not in top form, I'd get really sick, so I went on oral antibiotics and prednisone last week. I feel a lot better... better than I've felt in a few weeks :) Pray that my body can handle the long trip and the stress that undoubtedly comes from being away from the home environment.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Major CF Misinformation
Hey all,
I came across This Article from Carleton University in Canada. Apparently, they dropped fundraising for CF because, "It primarily affects men and exclusively white people". The inaccuracies of this statement are so amazing, that I am flabbergasted it would come from anyone, let alone those going to University. I wrote a letter to the student newspaper, and I encourage all of you to do the same. Below is a copy of my letter.
To The Student Board of Carleton University,
I am writing about your recent decision to drop fundraising efforts for the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. The facts used to make this decision are so off base, the action taken is deplorable. The presentation summary alone was full of misinformation and a such a lack of factual basis, it is shocking to me that it comes from a University organization. "And Whereas Cystic fibrosis has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men." Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited condition that affects men and women equally. The cystic fibrosis gene is carried on the 7th chromosome. It takes two bad copies of the gene to cause CF. Anyone with a basic understanding of biology would know that this has nothing to do with sex. How the writer of this proposition got this idea is beyond me.
It is true that CF primarily affects those of Western European descent, but this is not always the case. I could point you at the Stenzel Twins, who are 50% Japanese. I could point you at Milan, an African American girl living with CF. You could even visit the American branch of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and find the entire site translated into Spanish to address the ever growing population of Hispanics with Cystic Fibrosis. Straight from http://www.cff.org the website for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation it states, "The disease is most common in Caucasians, but it can affect all races.". To further provide researched statistical data, I have provided a breakdown of races and their chances of having the CF gene.
Chances of Being a Carrier
European Caucasian, Ashkenazi Jewish 1 in 29
Hispanic American 1 in 46
African American 1 in 65
Asian American 1 in 90
Changing a fundraiser to a different charity is something that unfortunately happens from time to time. However, doing so based on information that is so far from factual is absurd. It would almost be funny if it were not so hurtful to so many, from those that have Cystic Fibrosis, to those that care about someone to CF, to people who value making decisions based on fact.
You may be curious as to why a person from Oregon, who has never heard of Carleton University is writing. You may have guessed that I have Cystic Fibrosis, and you would be right. This letter is not out of anger that you decided to drop funding for life lengthening and someday life saving research, but the lack of facts used to make this decision. Being University students, you would think that you would value finding correct information. If any of you were to write a paper using the facts presented about CF, you would be failed in a heartbeat. Voting with such fanciful information is completely deplorable, and if I were at your university, I'd be asking for the removal of board members who believed it was okay to vote without any factual basis.
Lastly, CF research does not just impact CF patients alone. Because we are such a large group for a genetic illness, cutting edge genetic research is often started in the CF population. Research that could one day also cure Parkinson's, Multiple Sclerosis, and a number of other devastating genetic illnesses. The world is a community. Saying that one group is unimportant because they are not large, is a very shortsighted and dangerous point of view.
Talana Fairfax
Eugene, OR
I came across This Article from Carleton University in Canada. Apparently, they dropped fundraising for CF because, "It primarily affects men and exclusively white people". The inaccuracies of this statement are so amazing, that I am flabbergasted it would come from anyone, let alone those going to University. I wrote a letter to the student newspaper, and I encourage all of you to do the same. Below is a copy of my letter.
To The Student Board of Carleton University,
I am writing about your recent decision to drop fundraising efforts for the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. The facts used to make this decision are so off base, the action taken is deplorable. The presentation summary alone was full of misinformation and a such a lack of factual basis, it is shocking to me that it comes from a University organization. "And Whereas Cystic fibrosis has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men." Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited condition that affects men and women equally. The cystic fibrosis gene is carried on the 7th chromosome. It takes two bad copies of the gene to cause CF. Anyone with a basic understanding of biology would know that this has nothing to do with sex. How the writer of this proposition got this idea is beyond me.
It is true that CF primarily affects those of Western European descent, but this is not always the case. I could point you at the Stenzel Twins, who are 50% Japanese. I could point you at Milan, an African American girl living with CF. You could even visit the American branch of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and find the entire site translated into Spanish to address the ever growing population of Hispanics with Cystic Fibrosis. Straight from http://www.cff.org the website for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation it states, "The disease is most common in Caucasians, but it can affect all races.". To further provide researched statistical data, I have provided a breakdown of races and their chances of having the CF gene.
Chances of Being a Carrier
European Caucasian, Ashkenazi Jewish 1 in 29
Hispanic American 1 in 46
African American 1 in 65
Asian American 1 in 90
Changing a fundraiser to a different charity is something that unfortunately happens from time to time. However, doing so based on information that is so far from factual is absurd. It would almost be funny if it were not so hurtful to so many, from those that have Cystic Fibrosis, to those that care about someone to CF, to people who value making decisions based on fact.
You may be curious as to why a person from Oregon, who has never heard of Carleton University is writing. You may have guessed that I have Cystic Fibrosis, and you would be right. This letter is not out of anger that you decided to drop funding for life lengthening and someday life saving research, but the lack of facts used to make this decision. Being University students, you would think that you would value finding correct information. If any of you were to write a paper using the facts presented about CF, you would be failed in a heartbeat. Voting with such fanciful information is completely deplorable, and if I were at your university, I'd be asking for the removal of board members who believed it was okay to vote without any factual basis.
Lastly, CF research does not just impact CF patients alone. Because we are such a large group for a genetic illness, cutting edge genetic research is often started in the CF population. Research that could one day also cure Parkinson's, Multiple Sclerosis, and a number of other devastating genetic illnesses. The world is a community. Saying that one group is unimportant because they are not large, is a very shortsighted and dangerous point of view.
Talana Fairfax
Eugene, OR
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Am I American Now..........
I've stayed away from politics here. I prefer to have a lot of give and take when I talk politics, and it couldn't possibly be good for me to just go off on my own. If you feel you need to leave my blog because of this... than that is your choice, although I question the wisdom of only reading material that agrees. I spend hours each week reading material that agrees with my views, and does not. Small shifts happen in my viewpoints because of this, and I am able to feel stronger in my convictions. This most likely will be the only time I touch on this subject.
That said, I'm ecstatic. In President-elect Obama I see a quality that I've not seen in politics that has overlapped with my life... but I see the potential in him that I see when I look at FDR, Lincoln, or JFK.
That said... I'm disgusted by things that people are saying about our President-Elect now that it is over. First off, many off them are filled with a vitriolic tone that should never come out of the mouth of someone that claims they are Christian... sadly most do. A Christian should accept what has happened, because as they always say "all in God's plan". What if this is God's plan... no one is able to say. It is this hatred, the spewing of biblical passages to slander, that helps turn people away from faith. I believe in God. But when I hear the bible used to hate, to slam, to judge anyone that disagrees with a select group of "Christians"... I wonder how many people they turned away, if I am disgusted. I pray for these people, that use their faith to wage harsh judgments. Who walk around with a sense of superiority. Jesus preached to the least among us. He did not judge... and as a Christian I am led to not judge others. So instead, I quietly pray for these people. That they will look at themselves and see if they are helping people find light, or find another reason to turn away.
There has been another question ringing in my ears since Tuesday night. The last 8 years have been filled with the slander "unpatriotic" the second anyone dared to question a Bush policy. "Your either with me or against me". If I was not happy about something happening in this country, my love of it was automatically questioned. Strange, when the foundations of this country were built by those seeking asylum from countries that ruled with such policies. However, many that threw these labels, are now the ones saying they will never be able to work with Obama. That no matter what, they will not be happy. I've read probably 100 blogs, ranging the spectrum from left to right, red to blue, in the last few days... and I never saw the question of patriotism of those that "refuse to work with Obama" questioned (I'm sure they exist, but out of my sample, I was unable to find one). The Mary Sunshine in me would love to believe that as a country we have moved past using such a misleading term, but I know that probably is not true. Because those that fervently pointed their fingers with their lips wrapped around the word "unpatriotic" are now wrapping their mouths around words of hate and discord. But, I would never call them unpatriotic. Just as it was my right, dare say, my responsibility to evaluate and question my leaders of the last 8 years, it is now their turn. But I hope that they are able to set aside their preconceived notions, and evaluate Obama by his on the job performance and not from their fear. I speak from a land of experience here. I was terrified when Bush was elected... but the most dire, most frightening predictions, never came true. Remember that when you read predictions. Did I agree with very little that the administration did in the last 8 years... yes. But I also tried to judge each step along the way. As the 8 years progressed, I did not lose a love for America, but I did not like our direction. It is possible to have both.
And a quick note to what I read in several blogs today. That they would not vote for a candidate who was not anti-abortion, and that is why they would never vote for Obama. That is fine, as that is their choice, but McCain also does not support the abolition of abortion. Yet, I only saw Obama's name mentioned. I wonder if they did enough research to know, or played ignorance. If you are going to be "pro-life" then by logical reasoning, you should support all diplomatic options before engaging in war that is very anti-life. You should support the health of your fellow citizen, as so many die in this country because of everything from lack of access to health care, improper diet, often spurred on by economic conditions, to countless others that choose between heat, food, or medicine. I don't know if full government funded health care is the answer, but we obviously have one that does not work. We are only as strong as our weakest links... and when a person can be denied insurance for a pre-existing condition, a disabled person has to wait 2 years before they get any insurance help from the federal government, and children who go years without seeing a doctor because a family cannot afford it with or without insurance... we have a lot of weak links.
And to those who wonder how people who voted for Obama could be so blind... I wondered the same about Bush. I gave him a chance, now it is your turn to do the same. It's all I ask of you... but if you don't... you are no less American.
That said, I'm ecstatic. In President-elect Obama I see a quality that I've not seen in politics that has overlapped with my life... but I see the potential in him that I see when I look at FDR, Lincoln, or JFK.
That said... I'm disgusted by things that people are saying about our President-Elect now that it is over. First off, many off them are filled with a vitriolic tone that should never come out of the mouth of someone that claims they are Christian... sadly most do. A Christian should accept what has happened, because as they always say "all in God's plan". What if this is God's plan... no one is able to say. It is this hatred, the spewing of biblical passages to slander, that helps turn people away from faith. I believe in God. But when I hear the bible used to hate, to slam, to judge anyone that disagrees with a select group of "Christians"... I wonder how many people they turned away, if I am disgusted. I pray for these people, that use their faith to wage harsh judgments. Who walk around with a sense of superiority. Jesus preached to the least among us. He did not judge... and as a Christian I am led to not judge others. So instead, I quietly pray for these people. That they will look at themselves and see if they are helping people find light, or find another reason to turn away.
There has been another question ringing in my ears since Tuesday night. The last 8 years have been filled with the slander "unpatriotic" the second anyone dared to question a Bush policy. "Your either with me or against me". If I was not happy about something happening in this country, my love of it was automatically questioned. Strange, when the foundations of this country were built by those seeking asylum from countries that ruled with such policies. However, many that threw these labels, are now the ones saying they will never be able to work with Obama. That no matter what, they will not be happy. I've read probably 100 blogs, ranging the spectrum from left to right, red to blue, in the last few days... and I never saw the question of patriotism of those that "refuse to work with Obama" questioned (I'm sure they exist, but out of my sample, I was unable to find one). The Mary Sunshine in me would love to believe that as a country we have moved past using such a misleading term, but I know that probably is not true. Because those that fervently pointed their fingers with their lips wrapped around the word "unpatriotic" are now wrapping their mouths around words of hate and discord. But, I would never call them unpatriotic. Just as it was my right, dare say, my responsibility to evaluate and question my leaders of the last 8 years, it is now their turn. But I hope that they are able to set aside their preconceived notions, and evaluate Obama by his on the job performance and not from their fear. I speak from a land of experience here. I was terrified when Bush was elected... but the most dire, most frightening predictions, never came true. Remember that when you read predictions. Did I agree with very little that the administration did in the last 8 years... yes. But I also tried to judge each step along the way. As the 8 years progressed, I did not lose a love for America, but I did not like our direction. It is possible to have both.
And a quick note to what I read in several blogs today. That they would not vote for a candidate who was not anti-abortion, and that is why they would never vote for Obama. That is fine, as that is their choice, but McCain also does not support the abolition of abortion. Yet, I only saw Obama's name mentioned. I wonder if they did enough research to know, or played ignorance. If you are going to be "pro-life" then by logical reasoning, you should support all diplomatic options before engaging in war that is very anti-life. You should support the health of your fellow citizen, as so many die in this country because of everything from lack of access to health care, improper diet, often spurred on by economic conditions, to countless others that choose between heat, food, or medicine. I don't know if full government funded health care is the answer, but we obviously have one that does not work. We are only as strong as our weakest links... and when a person can be denied insurance for a pre-existing condition, a disabled person has to wait 2 years before they get any insurance help from the federal government, and children who go years without seeing a doctor because a family cannot afford it with or without insurance... we have a lot of weak links.
And to those who wonder how people who voted for Obama could be so blind... I wondered the same about Bush. I gave him a chance, now it is your turn to do the same. It's all I ask of you... but if you don't... you are no less American.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
More Yucks
So I definitely think that I had a stone. I'm feeling a lot better now, and all is back to normal in my back. However, right when the back pain started to die down, I have found myself battling a nasty sinus cold that has crept into my chest. Clinic is a week away, and I'm honestly scared to go. My breathing is shallow and painful... and I really do not want to do a lung function test (PFT). I may be back in a week, but I don't bounce back very easily or quickly anymore...
We'll see....
We'll see....
Monday, October 20, 2008
No Fun...
I have not updated in awhile. I am working at getting better about it... after all I have 16 people subscribed to my updates through google reader which shocked and amazed me!
I need you prayers tonight. I am having a lot of pain that feels very much like a kidney stone. I went to the after hours clinic tonight, and despite one test showing blood in my urine, a second test on the same pee did not show it, so the doctor decided I was fine. Really, it was a terrible experience, and I'll probably go to my real general doctor tomorrow. I hurt so bad, and it sucks that I was completely dismissed... like he didn't even bother to care that I have a history of stones, CF, and can barely walk or think straight from the pain.
I need you prayers tonight. I am having a lot of pain that feels very much like a kidney stone. I went to the after hours clinic tonight, and despite one test showing blood in my urine, a second test on the same pee did not show it, so the doctor decided I was fine. Really, it was a terrible experience, and I'll probably go to my real general doctor tomorrow. I hurt so bad, and it sucks that I was completely dismissed... like he didn't even bother to care that I have a history of stones, CF, and can barely walk or think straight from the pain.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Not good...
So my culture that was "clear" for MRSA finally grew it. To say I'm upset would be an understatement. I just want to go and hide in bed and just forget about the world. 2 more weeks of home IV's now. I was really excited about getting off on Monday... now no more. I was excited that maybe all my prayers to kick MRSA had been answered... and now I just don't even know. I still have faith, but I also don't even know if I should bother to hope that this inscesant bug can go away. I'm just so over it...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
A Million Prayers Answered
So Friday morning, I was going about my buisness, feeling better, wondering if I would be able to get out on Monday. As early mornings are known for in the hospital, people were bustling in and out of my room... why hospitals think simulating Grand Central Station at 7 am is good for anyone's health is beyond me. Anyway, my nurse casually mentions that they are discontinuing my Vancomycin, one of the most powerful IV antibiotics, and one of the very few that have any efficacy against MRSA. MRSA... the big bad boogeyman bug that had the media all in a tissy in the last year has colonized in my lungs for the last few years. While it did not cause a great change in my health, it was a complication that was unwanted all the same. Once MRSA colonizes, it is very difficult to get rid of. So when it was mentioned they were pulling my vanco, my mind started reeling... could it be possible? Could MRSA not have shown up in my cultures? I eagerly awaited the med team arrival that morning. Sure enough, my cultures came back, MRSA free... and I gave an amazing sputum sample. While I am not saying that it is gone until I have a few more cultures under my belt... I feel like great prayers have been answered. I never prayed for my CF to be gone, as I would never feel okay if I was the only one cured, taking this one small burden from me was something that I hoped for in my darkest times.
With the news of my MRSA being gone, and my general energy level increasing by the hour, my cough no longer roaring, and mucus no longer coming up with every hack of my warn lungs, they released me today to continue my IV's at home. My shortest stay ever... one where I did not have the constant worry of my weight, where I did not struggle to heal. I know not every visit will be like this, but a bright spot is something to illuminate so many other times.
Tonight, when I got home, I immediatly looked to connect with my husband, roomies, and kitties. I was told that my Hazard had not been seen since Friday morning, not unheard of him to be gone so long, but not normal either. I called him a few times, then decided to wait until night when he normally comes home. On our way out to dinner, only a quarter mile from the house, I saw a sickening site. The body of a pure black cat was laying on the side of the road. My heart rate quickened, but I did not feel an instant pit in my stomach... hope despite the evidence. Matt and I pulled over to take a closer look. The cat was in bad condition, you could tell they were gone instantly. I looked for Hazard's distinctive qualities... and found some on this cat. Long black hair and no color patches... but I also did not see his long hair sticking out between the pads of the paws and the ears did not seem to be the same as my baby's. Matt and I could not definitively tell if it was Hazard, but I let the cat know whomever he was he was a good kitty. I was sad, but okay if it was my Hazard. I knew that my boy could still be alive, but wouldn't believe it until I saw him. After dinner we came home, and I called him again... no answer. Thirty minutes later, Tyrone opened the door to talk to his cat, and my big black fuzzy boy came bounding into the house. He meowed when he saw me and immediately nuzzled his mom, who'd he missed for the last few days. I hugged him tight, and he couldn't understand why we were all fussing over him, but tonight I am so happy to have my boy back.
So tonight... my prayers are full of thanks... and I thank all of you for the ones you have sent my ways!
With the news of my MRSA being gone, and my general energy level increasing by the hour, my cough no longer roaring, and mucus no longer coming up with every hack of my warn lungs, they released me today to continue my IV's at home. My shortest stay ever... one where I did not have the constant worry of my weight, where I did not struggle to heal. I know not every visit will be like this, but a bright spot is something to illuminate so many other times.
Tonight, when I got home, I immediatly looked to connect with my husband, roomies, and kitties. I was told that my Hazard had not been seen since Friday morning, not unheard of him to be gone so long, but not normal either. I called him a few times, then decided to wait until night when he normally comes home. On our way out to dinner, only a quarter mile from the house, I saw a sickening site. The body of a pure black cat was laying on the side of the road. My heart rate quickened, but I did not feel an instant pit in my stomach... hope despite the evidence. Matt and I pulled over to take a closer look. The cat was in bad condition, you could tell they were gone instantly. I looked for Hazard's distinctive qualities... and found some on this cat. Long black hair and no color patches... but I also did not see his long hair sticking out between the pads of the paws and the ears did not seem to be the same as my baby's. Matt and I could not definitively tell if it was Hazard, but I let the cat know whomever he was he was a good kitty. I was sad, but okay if it was my Hazard. I knew that my boy could still be alive, but wouldn't believe it until I saw him. After dinner we came home, and I called him again... no answer. Thirty minutes later, Tyrone opened the door to talk to his cat, and my big black fuzzy boy came bounding into the house. He meowed when he saw me and immediately nuzzled his mom, who'd he missed for the last few days. I hugged him tight, and he couldn't understand why we were all fussing over him, but tonight I am so happy to have my boy back.
So tonight... my prayers are full of thanks... and I thank all of you for the ones you have sent my ways!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tune Up Time
Hey all!
So I'm writing this from the lovely confines of OHSU hospital... as is normal with CF, it was time for me to get a "tune-up". Some CFers rarely need them, while others need IV clean up several times a year. My body seems to need it about every year, and it's that time of year for me. I started feeling worse about a month ago and was put on oral antibiotics. They helped, but I declined rapidly after our return from Seattle (another forthcoming post). At my clinic appointment on Tuesday, I knew it was probably time, packed my bags, and my doctor and I decided it was time. Amazingly enough, despite how bad I feel and how bad my cough sounds compared to my normal, my lung function tests were not down. Usually an infection of this magnitude would make them terrible, and I would have a hard time gaining back what I lost. This time, by catching it before I decrease, I hope that I may even have improved function after. On another positive note, I have also gained a small amount of weight... unsual when I have been dealing with a persistant infection...
So even though I find myself in the hospital, I find myself incredibly blessed!
So I'm writing this from the lovely confines of OHSU hospital... as is normal with CF, it was time for me to get a "tune-up". Some CFers rarely need them, while others need IV clean up several times a year. My body seems to need it about every year, and it's that time of year for me. I started feeling worse about a month ago and was put on oral antibiotics. They helped, but I declined rapidly after our return from Seattle (another forthcoming post). At my clinic appointment on Tuesday, I knew it was probably time, packed my bags, and my doctor and I decided it was time. Amazingly enough, despite how bad I feel and how bad my cough sounds compared to my normal, my lung function tests were not down. Usually an infection of this magnitude would make them terrible, and I would have a hard time gaining back what I lost. This time, by catching it before I decrease, I hope that I may even have improved function after. On another positive note, I have also gained a small amount of weight... unsual when I have been dealing with a persistant infection...
So even though I find myself in the hospital, I find myself incredibly blessed!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Update a Long Time Coming
I know I haven't posted forever. Honnestly, I don't have a good reason at all. I haven't been in a depressive hole that keeps me from updating. I've been busy, but not every single day. Life has just settled into a comfortable pattern, and for some reason writing just seems nearly impossible.
I had a good birthday... that was over a month ago. I had a good visit with the diabetes doctor where I found out that the pill that I've been on is working, so I won't have to go on insulin :D My sinuses threw me more issues, I had to go on prednisone, but I think that already they are starting to go downhill again. I also came down with a pretty intense chest cold that I got antibiotics for. They knocked down the infection, but I really don't feel like I bounced back all the way. My body feels a bit weaker... I think that I'll probably need a hospital stay after we get back from Seattle... Yup, we're headed up to Seattle on Wednesday and getting home on Sunday. I promise to try my hardest to post stellar pictures. I also became an aunt again in the time that I haven't been posting. Matt's sister had a beautiful baby boy, who I cannot wait to meet in December when we go out to South Carolina for Christmas.
I know I've been missed :) I also need to share pictues of my BEAUTIFUL new bedroom set. My garden has also started to produce a lot of good food... mmmm food. Today is a lazy day on the couch... reserving my energy to have as much as possible for Seattle.
Love to all my friends...
Talana
I had a good birthday... that was over a month ago. I had a good visit with the diabetes doctor where I found out that the pill that I've been on is working, so I won't have to go on insulin :D My sinuses threw me more issues, I had to go on prednisone, but I think that already they are starting to go downhill again. I also came down with a pretty intense chest cold that I got antibiotics for. They knocked down the infection, but I really don't feel like I bounced back all the way. My body feels a bit weaker... I think that I'll probably need a hospital stay after we get back from Seattle... Yup, we're headed up to Seattle on Wednesday and getting home on Sunday. I promise to try my hardest to post stellar pictures. I also became an aunt again in the time that I haven't been posting. Matt's sister had a beautiful baby boy, who I cannot wait to meet in December when we go out to South Carolina for Christmas.
I know I've been missed :) I also need to share pictues of my BEAUTIFUL new bedroom set. My garden has also started to produce a lot of good food... mmmm food. Today is a lazy day on the couch... reserving my energy to have as much as possible for Seattle.
Love to all my friends...
Talana
Monday, July 14, 2008
Quick Update
I had a great weekend, a great birthday, and a good time all around. I'll post more later, but right now I'm recovering from my very full weekend!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Happy Birthday To ME!
Exactly 26 years ago, at the moment this blog was posted, I was born! I am 26 :) Any birthday is a huge celebration for a CFer. I also send birthday wishes to my grandma. Even though she is not doing well, and this will quite possibly be her last birthday, she's my special, birthday sharing Grandma.
Time to go play on the beach!
Time to go play on the beach!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Family Reunion
Right now Matt and I are on our was to Pacific City, OR to my yearly Lyda family reunion. A yearly tradition that I've grown up with, always the second weekend of July, and except for a brief break, it's almost always at the coast. This is the spot that 3 years ago Matt proposed to me. Below are a few pictures of what I'll be seeing this weekend.




Thursday, July 10, 2008
Summer
I love summer in Oregon. Sure, we're known for our rain. The dreary days stretch out endlessly, but that is only in the winter. When summer comes around, the clouds run away, the sky turns blue, and the days warm. Sunny day after sunny day stretch out, lasting the entirety of July and August. Over two full months with only a trace of rain here and there. And while it may get warm, it hardly ever gets hot like so many other places in the country. Triple digits are rare, maybe a few times a year, and the humidity almost always stays blissfully low. A "muggy" day here would be laughable by the standards set by the rest of the country.
I never realized my favorite part about summer here though until I spent summer days in Maine, South Carolina, and Florida... my favorite part, is that every night brings relief from the warmth of the day. The crystal clear skies bring in cool air. Houses are thrown open, welcoming the coolness. It's almost average to have a low in the 50's, even in the heat of August. Air conditioners are rare in homes here, because of our cool nights. If you open up the house at night, and close it up in the morning, it will stay livable most days.
The landscape also stays fairly green, even though it doesn't really rain. Our months of rain before it creates a high water table, that is fed all summer by the melting snow from the mountains.
Glorious...
I never realized my favorite part about summer here though until I spent summer days in Maine, South Carolina, and Florida... my favorite part, is that every night brings relief from the warmth of the day. The crystal clear skies bring in cool air. Houses are thrown open, welcoming the coolness. It's almost average to have a low in the 50's, even in the heat of August. Air conditioners are rare in homes here, because of our cool nights. If you open up the house at night, and close it up in the morning, it will stay livable most days.
The landscape also stays fairly green, even though it doesn't really rain. Our months of rain before it creates a high water table, that is fed all summer by the melting snow from the mountains.
Glorious...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
What do you think?
So what do ya'll think about daily 3PM posts that I have been doing the last several days? Do you mind that some posts may have been written a few days before?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
